1 00:00:11,074 --> 00:00:14,568 [walking footsteps] 2 00:00:26,056 --> 00:00:28,515 [buzzing] 3 00:00:28,625 --> 00:00:29,516 [slip] 4 00:00:29,626 --> 00:00:30,917 [crashing] 5 00:00:31,028 --> 00:00:32,519 [jackhammer] 6 00:00:32,629 --> 00:00:34,521 [alarm sounding] 7 00:00:34,631 --> 00:00:36,490 [brakes screech] 8 00:00:36,600 --> 00:00:37,491 [thud] 9 00:00:38,368 --> 00:00:41,495 [music - "yankee doodle"] 10 00:00:47,044 --> 00:00:48,068 Oh no! 11 00:00:50,781 --> 00:00:53,440 ANNOUNCER: Scanning the globe to bring you the very 12 00:00:53,550 --> 00:00:55,876 worst news stories of the day. 13 00:00:55,986 --> 00:01:00,380 It's the Slugtone Newsreel. 14 00:01:00,490 --> 00:01:02,315 NEWS ANCHOR: Who would've guessed it? 15 00:01:02,426 --> 00:01:05,252 Mr. Bill, the little clay man from a little town of Despair, 16 00:01:05,362 --> 00:01:07,654 considered the biggest long shot in the history 17 00:01:07,764 --> 00:01:10,690 of American politics, has won the Presidential 18 00:01:10,801 --> 00:01:11,925 election in a landslide! 19 00:01:12,035 --> 00:01:13,226 It's going to fall! 20 00:01:13,336 --> 00:01:15,762 NEWS ANCHOR: The worst in Midwest history. 21 00:01:15,872 --> 00:01:18,532 Yes, it was a grueling, hard-fought campaign, 22 00:01:18,642 --> 00:01:20,534 one that will long be remembered for achieving 23 00:01:20,644 --> 00:01:23,437 new heights in the political art of mudslinging. 24 00:01:23,547 --> 00:01:24,771 Ohh! 25 00:01:24,881 --> 00:01:27,107 NEWS ANCHOR: But the little man just kept bouncing back, 26 00:01:27,217 --> 00:01:29,476 exerting his hands-on approach to the never-ending 27 00:01:29,586 --> 00:01:33,613 tasks necessary for a successful bid, like kissing the baby-- 28 00:01:33,723 --> 00:01:34,848 [mr. bill squeaks] 29 00:01:34,958 --> 00:01:39,352 --pit-- bulls, and the interminably long bus tours. 30 00:01:39,463 --> 00:01:42,255 MR. BILL: (SINGING) Row, row, row your boat, 31 00:01:42,365 --> 00:01:43,790 gently down the stream. 32 00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:44,825 Merrily-- ohh! 33 00:01:44,935 --> 00:01:46,093 [cheering] 34 00:01:46,203 --> 00:01:47,227 NEWS ANCHOR: But the hard work paid off, 35 00:01:47,337 --> 00:01:48,795 as the American public turned out 36 00:01:48,905 --> 00:01:51,798 in droves to cast their vote for the little man from Despair. 37 00:01:51,908 --> 00:01:54,201 Now the celebrations are over, and the real work 38 00:01:54,311 --> 00:01:57,337 begins for President Bill. 39 00:01:57,447 --> 00:01:59,906 [music - "hail to the chief"] 40 00:02:01,151 --> 00:02:03,176 Oh boy, what a comfortable chair. 41 00:02:03,286 --> 00:02:04,711 It sure is great being President. 42 00:02:04,821 --> 00:02:05,645 Huh, Spot? 43 00:02:05,755 --> 00:02:06,613 [spot barks] 44 00:02:06,723 --> 00:02:08,114 MAN: Say, Mr. President, it's time 45 00:02:08,225 --> 00:02:09,616 to sign some important bills. 46 00:02:09,726 --> 00:02:10,517 Oh boy! 47 00:02:10,627 --> 00:02:11,785 Yay! 48 00:02:11,895 --> 00:02:13,186 MAN: Whoops. 49 00:02:13,296 --> 00:02:14,821 MR. BILL: Oh no, the first day on the job and we've 50 00:02:14,931 --> 00:02:16,289 already messed up the rug. 51 00:02:16,399 --> 00:02:17,858 MAN: Gee, you're right. 52 00:02:17,968 --> 00:02:19,059 We'd better use some spot remover. 53 00:02:19,169 --> 00:02:20,260 [spot barks] 54 00:02:20,370 --> 00:02:21,294 Oh no, you leave Spot alone. Don't! 55 00:02:21,404 --> 00:02:22,095 [spot barks] No! 56 00:02:22,205 --> 00:02:22,863 Wait! Don't! 57 00:02:22,973 --> 00:02:24,164 Stop! Noo! 58 00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:25,398 MAN: There, perfect. 59 00:02:25,509 --> 00:02:26,600 And it's a good thing. 60 00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:27,934 Because you know what they always say. 61 00:02:28,044 --> 00:02:29,436 Uh, the-- "The buck stops here." 62 00:02:29,546 --> 00:02:31,204 Now, what does that mean? [buck grunts] 63 00:02:31,314 --> 00:02:32,172 Oh wait! Oh! 64 00:02:32,282 --> 00:02:33,106 I get the point! No, wait! 65 00:02:33,216 --> 00:02:34,107 Don't! [buck grunts] 66 00:02:34,217 --> 00:02:36,042 Ohh! 67 00:02:36,153 --> 00:02:37,711 Ooh, the thorns! Ohh! 68 00:02:37,821 --> 00:02:39,546 MAN: Oh, I see you found the rose garden. 69 00:02:39,656 --> 00:02:41,948 No time to smell the roses though, because the Chairman 70 00:02:42,058 --> 00:02:44,251 of the Joint Chiefs of Staff would like to discuss 71 00:02:44,361 --> 00:02:45,585 some new cuts in defense. 72 00:02:45,695 --> 00:02:46,753 Cuts in defense? 73 00:02:46,863 --> 00:02:48,088 Yay! 74 00:02:48,198 --> 00:02:49,990 Oh no, he's going to be mean to me! 75 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:51,892 MAN: Nah, it's General Sluggo. 76 00:02:52,002 --> 00:02:54,661 And he just wants to show you his new Star Wars cuts 77 00:02:54,771 --> 00:02:55,862 Uh, no, that's OK. 78 00:02:55,972 --> 00:02:57,764 Uh, we don't have to make any cuts in the films. 79 00:02:57,874 --> 00:02:58,665 No. No! 80 00:02:58,775 --> 00:02:59,199 No! Don't do that! 81 00:02:59,309 --> 00:02:59,933 No! Oh! 82 00:03:00,043 --> 00:03:01,501 [zapping] 83 00:03:01,611 --> 00:03:02,469 Oh wow! 84 00:03:02,579 --> 00:03:03,837 Wow! 85 00:03:03,947 --> 00:03:04,804 [thuds] 86 00:03:06,049 --> 00:03:07,541 Boy, what a splitting headache. 87 00:03:07,651 --> 00:03:10,076 Being President is a lot tougher than I thought. 88 00:03:10,186 --> 00:03:12,179 MAN: You're right, President Bill, 89 00:03:12,289 --> 00:03:14,281 because there are some big problems left over 90 00:03:14,391 --> 00:03:16,149 from the last administration. 91 00:03:16,259 --> 00:03:17,484 Like Slugga Hussein. 92 00:03:17,594 --> 00:03:18,251 Oh, no. 93 00:03:18,361 --> 00:03:19,853 So what does he want now? 94 00:03:19,963 --> 00:03:22,155 MAN: He just wants to give us what we've hoped for all along. 95 00:03:22,265 --> 00:03:23,423 The new peace treaty? 96 00:03:23,533 --> 00:03:25,392 MAN: No, all the oil you could ever want. 97 00:03:25,502 --> 00:03:26,493 No, don't do that! 98 00:03:26,603 --> 00:03:28,862 Oh! 99 00:03:28,972 --> 00:03:31,464 MAN: Now it's time to go to the Hill to meet Congress. 100 00:03:31,575 --> 00:03:33,066 Oh boy, Capitol Hill. 101 00:03:33,176 --> 00:03:34,100 Yay! 102 00:03:34,210 --> 00:03:37,704 [marching band music playing] 103 00:03:37,814 --> 00:03:40,073 Gee, I sure hope me going to the hill 104 00:03:40,183 --> 00:03:43,009 will help clean up Washington. 105 00:03:43,119 --> 00:03:47,480 Well, I hope Congress likes my new budget proposal. 106 00:03:47,591 --> 00:03:49,482 Hey, and the Washington Monument. 107 00:03:49,593 --> 00:03:52,485 You know, I once cut down a cherry tree and lost a a foot. 108 00:03:52,596 --> 00:03:54,487 Oh, and there's the Jefferson Memorial. 109 00:03:54,598 --> 00:03:58,658 Yeah, I tell ya, Washington DC is sure a beautiful place. 110 00:04:01,204 --> 00:04:02,929 MAN: Well, here we are the Capitol Steps. 111 00:04:03,039 --> 00:04:03,863 Oh boy! 112 00:04:03,974 --> 00:04:04,798 The Capitol Steps! 113 00:04:04,908 --> 00:04:05,932 Hey hey! 114 00:04:06,042 --> 00:04:07,601 MAN: Hey, it's Senate Minority Leader, Sluggo. 115 00:04:07,711 --> 00:04:08,735 MR. BILL: Oh no. 116 00:04:08,845 --> 00:04:10,237 MAN: And he wants you to look over his revisions 117 00:04:10,347 --> 00:04:11,371 to your new budget. - Oh wait! 118 00:04:11,481 --> 00:04:11,972 Don't! Don't! 119 00:04:12,082 --> 00:04:12,739 Oh! 120 00:04:12,849 --> 00:04:13,773 Oh! Why? 121 00:04:13,883 --> 00:04:15,075 Why? Oh! 122 00:04:15,185 --> 00:04:16,042 [bell rings] 123 00:04:16,152 --> 00:04:17,077 Oh no. 124 00:04:17,187 --> 00:04:18,411 MAN: Oh gee, it's Senate recess. 125 00:04:18,521 --> 00:04:19,512 [children laughing] - Oh, no! 126 00:04:19,623 --> 00:04:20,380 Don't do that! Don't! 127 00:04:20,490 --> 00:04:21,915 Wait! (WINCING) Ow! 128 00:04:22,025 --> 00:04:22,916 Ow! 129 00:04:23,026 --> 00:04:23,817 Ow! 130 00:04:24,694 --> 00:04:25,485 [splat] 131 00:04:25,595 --> 00:04:28,288 Ow! 132 00:04:28,398 --> 00:04:31,224 Gee, President Lincoln, you know, being President 133 00:04:31,334 --> 00:04:34,828 is sure a lot tougher than I ever thought. 134 00:04:34,938 --> 00:04:37,998 But I guess someone's got to do it. 135 00:04:38,108 --> 00:04:39,666 And-- and you know-- [beeping] 136 00:04:39,776 --> 00:04:42,002 I've taken everything those mean old Sluggos have thrown at me, 137 00:04:42,112 --> 00:04:43,803 and I'm still standing tall. 138 00:04:43,913 --> 00:04:47,974 Yeah, maybe everything's going to be all right after all. 139 00:04:48,084 --> 00:04:49,376 Change is hard. 140 00:04:49,486 --> 00:04:50,744 But things can be different. 141 00:04:50,854 --> 00:04:53,847 Uh, maybe good can triumph over evil. 142 00:04:53,957 --> 00:04:54,547 Oh. 143 00:04:54,658 --> 00:04:55,815 Oh, wait, no. Oh! 144 00:04:55,925 --> 00:04:56,549 Ow! 145 00:04:56,660 --> 00:04:58,084 MAN: See you next time. 146 00:04:58,194 --> 00:04:59,352 Bye bye. 147 00:04:59,462 --> 00:05:02,956 [ragtime music] 148 00:05:41,271 --> 00:05:44,764 [waves crashing, gulls squawk] 149 00:05:59,589 --> 00:06:00,680 [sparks ignite] 150 00:06:08,164 --> 00:06:11,624 [music playing] 151 00:08:13,456 --> 00:08:16,916 [tribal drums playing] 152 00:08:18,027 --> 00:08:19,919 [distant growling] 153 00:08:28,805 --> 00:08:32,465 ERNEST: Sloughing my way up the Kantezi river, 154 00:08:32,575 --> 00:08:34,934 fighting malaria, river blindness 155 00:08:35,044 --> 00:08:40,106 and savage Matabele warriors, I, Indiana Worrell, 156 00:08:40,216 --> 00:08:44,077 have at last come face to face with the pinnacle of my quest. 157 00:08:47,023 --> 00:08:50,016 The two-by-four temple of pine. 158 00:08:50,126 --> 00:08:51,417 [chatter] 159 00:08:51,527 --> 00:08:52,986 Hey, bring my those two-by-fours. 160 00:08:53,096 --> 00:08:53,920 Sure. 161 00:08:54,030 --> 00:08:56,990 I got 'em here. 162 00:08:57,100 --> 00:09:00,593 [equipment running] 163 00:09:06,609 --> 00:09:09,402 The royal guard has left their watch. 164 00:09:09,512 --> 00:09:11,170 And the sacred treasure of Nefertiti 165 00:09:11,281 --> 00:09:12,539 lies just within our grasp. 166 00:09:12,649 --> 00:09:14,007 (NEW ORLEANS ACCENT) Nuh-uh. 167 00:09:14,117 --> 00:09:16,843 Don't you go and be takin' nothin' from no Nefertiti. 168 00:09:16,953 --> 00:09:18,745 She mighty particular about that jewelry. 169 00:09:18,855 --> 00:09:20,513 (AS OLD MAN) Now, Nefertiti? 170 00:09:20,623 --> 00:09:22,615 Yeah, I remember Nefertiti. 171 00:09:22,725 --> 00:09:25,318 She used to drive a '36 Chrysler. 172 00:09:25,428 --> 00:09:27,654 (AS HIMSELF) Men, a narrow window of opportunity 173 00:09:27,764 --> 00:09:29,689 has been made available to us. 174 00:09:29,799 --> 00:09:32,959 And we'd be fools not to take it. 175 00:09:33,069 --> 00:09:35,028 I'm going in. 176 00:09:35,138 --> 00:09:37,030 (AS OLD MAN) Don't worry, Indy, I'm right behind you. 177 00:09:37,140 --> 00:09:40,566 Yes sir, I'm a-stickin' to ya like glue. 178 00:09:40,677 --> 00:09:42,268 You're waitin' on me, you're backin' up. 179 00:09:42,378 --> 00:09:44,904 [chatter] 180 00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:49,208 [metal detector humming] 181 00:09:52,088 --> 00:09:56,215 Ooh, a soon-to-be-discovered marvel sings 182 00:09:56,326 --> 00:09:59,485 out its haunting love call. 183 00:09:59,595 --> 00:10:02,188 Ah, to find a diamond. 184 00:10:02,298 --> 00:10:08,127 A flawless, 30-carat, D-grade, 10-power water-white crystal. 185 00:10:08,237 --> 00:10:11,297 I believe cut in Antwerp, an exact match 186 00:10:11,407 --> 00:10:16,302 to the one Fitzgerald died for whilst coating on the Zambezi. 187 00:10:16,412 --> 00:10:17,236 [horn honks] 188 00:10:17,347 --> 00:10:18,204 [beeping] 189 00:10:18,314 --> 00:10:20,306 Ah, what's this? 190 00:10:20,416 --> 00:10:22,008 Yes. 191 00:10:22,118 --> 00:10:24,811 A diamond of this brilliance and quality 192 00:10:24,921 --> 00:10:27,780 could only have come from one source. 193 00:10:27,890 --> 00:10:30,216 From the diamond necklace which surrounds 194 00:10:30,326 --> 00:10:32,618 Cleopatra's crystal skull. 195 00:10:32,729 --> 00:10:36,956 But to find that, I must delve even deeper 196 00:10:37,066 --> 00:10:38,825 into the bosom of mother earth. 197 00:10:38,935 --> 00:10:39,959 [horn blares] Ow! 198 00:10:40,069 --> 00:10:40,693 Ah! 199 00:10:40,803 --> 00:10:42,762 [beeping] 200 00:10:44,674 --> 00:10:46,165 Could it be? 201 00:10:46,275 --> 00:10:47,200 Is it possible? 202 00:10:47,310 --> 00:10:50,703 [zapping] 203 00:10:54,117 --> 00:10:55,341 Yes! 204 00:10:55,451 --> 00:10:57,076 It's Cleopatra's crystal skull. 205 00:10:57,186 --> 00:10:59,979 [zapping] 206 00:11:00,857 --> 00:11:01,914 [saw buzzes] 207 00:11:05,361 --> 00:11:07,220 Ow! 208 00:11:07,330 --> 00:11:08,221 Ow! 209 00:11:08,331 --> 00:11:11,290 [nail gun firing] 210 00:11:11,401 --> 00:11:12,225 Ahh! 211 00:11:12,335 --> 00:11:15,795 [nail gun firing] 212 00:11:23,279 --> 00:11:24,537 [tires squeal] 213 00:11:24,647 --> 00:11:25,538 [screams] 214 00:11:25,648 --> 00:11:26,539 [thud] 215 00:11:26,649 --> 00:11:28,141 [moaning] 216 00:11:28,251 --> 00:11:30,209 Wow. 217 00:11:30,319 --> 00:11:31,110 [grunts] 218 00:11:32,288 --> 00:11:33,112 [thud] 219 00:11:34,624 --> 00:11:37,083 [engine hums] 220 00:11:37,193 --> 00:11:40,153 [engine revs] 221 00:11:41,197 --> 00:11:43,056 [screaming] 222 00:11:45,168 --> 00:11:46,459 [tires squeal] 223 00:11:49,539 --> 00:11:51,431 [fearful panting] 224 00:11:55,511 --> 00:12:00,306 [engine rumbling] 225 00:12:00,416 --> 00:12:01,307 What's all this about? 226 00:12:01,417 --> 00:12:02,308 I never did anything to you. 227 00:12:02,418 --> 00:12:03,209 [tires squeal] 228 00:12:03,319 --> 00:12:04,610 That's it. 229 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:07,180 Every time a power tool cops an attitude, I get blamed for it. 230 00:12:07,290 --> 00:12:08,714 They're going to blame me for all this! 231 00:12:08,825 --> 00:12:10,016 [buzzing] 232 00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:12,351 What are you doing this to me for? 233 00:12:12,462 --> 00:12:13,619 I'm not your enemy. 234 00:12:13,729 --> 00:12:15,321 Some of my best friends are power tools. 235 00:12:15,431 --> 00:12:18,291 [engine revving] 236 00:12:18,401 --> 00:12:20,660 Go away. 237 00:12:20,770 --> 00:12:22,061 [engine revs] 238 00:12:22,171 --> 00:12:25,998 How'd you like to come over to my house? 239 00:12:26,109 --> 00:12:28,835 I could introduce you to a nice little skill saw. 240 00:12:28,945 --> 00:12:31,404 You're going to get me in trouble. 241 00:12:31,514 --> 00:12:33,106 I'm going to get framed. 242 00:12:33,216 --> 00:12:34,107 [tires squeal] 243 00:12:34,217 --> 00:12:35,108 [engine revs] 244 00:12:37,987 --> 00:12:40,546 [nervous panting] 245 00:12:41,591 --> 00:12:44,851 [screaming] 246 00:12:44,961 --> 00:12:47,453 [nail gun firing] 247 00:12:49,232 --> 00:12:50,022 Ow! 248 00:12:53,202 --> 00:12:53,993 [pop] 249 00:12:57,907 --> 00:12:59,799 Good thing it hit the hard end. 250 00:12:59,909 --> 00:13:00,800 [engine revs] 251 00:13:00,910 --> 00:13:04,403 [buzzing] 252 00:13:04,514 --> 00:13:05,771 Ah! 253 00:13:05,882 --> 00:13:07,773 [screaming] 254 00:13:07,884 --> 00:13:11,043 [saw buzzing] 255 00:13:11,854 --> 00:13:13,346 Ow! 256 00:13:13,456 --> 00:13:14,747 Get out of here! 257 00:13:14,857 --> 00:13:15,748 This place is going to kill me! 258 00:13:15,858 --> 00:13:18,951 [saw buzzing] 259 00:13:24,433 --> 00:13:26,125 [laughs] 260 00:13:26,235 --> 00:13:29,662 With stealth and agility, Indiana evades 261 00:13:29,772 --> 00:13:31,631 the serpent of endless teeth. 262 00:13:31,741 --> 00:13:34,233 [buzzing] 263 00:13:34,343 --> 00:13:35,835 [screams] 264 00:13:39,348 --> 00:13:41,240 [cracking] 265 00:13:42,752 --> 00:13:45,244 [screams] 266 00:13:47,323 --> 00:13:48,614 [birds chirping] 267 00:13:48,724 --> 00:13:50,316 [laughs] 268 00:13:50,426 --> 00:13:51,217 [thud] 269 00:13:52,261 --> 00:13:54,620 [buzzing] 270 00:13:54,730 --> 00:13:55,621 [tires squeal] 271 00:13:55,731 --> 00:13:56,622 [explosion] 272 00:14:04,707 --> 00:14:06,599 [groans] 273 00:14:10,313 --> 00:14:11,904 Wow! 274 00:14:12,014 --> 00:14:13,439 Look at this. 275 00:14:13,549 --> 00:14:18,945 It's a genuine prehistoric television antenna component. 276 00:14:19,055 --> 00:14:20,947 Wait'll Dr. Melon sees this. 277 00:14:25,361 --> 00:14:25,985 Uh-oh. 278 00:14:26,095 --> 00:14:27,119 Makita warriors. 279 00:14:29,632 --> 00:14:31,958 Hey, what's the-- what-- 280 00:14:32,068 --> 00:14:32,858 Look at that! 281 00:14:32,969 --> 00:14:33,859 What? 282 00:14:33,970 --> 00:14:37,396 [wood cracking] 283 00:14:40,476 --> 00:14:42,335 Uh-- ha-- uh-- 284 00:14:42,445 --> 00:14:43,302 Hey you! 285 00:14:43,412 --> 00:14:44,670 Come here! 286 00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:47,039 Believe it or not, I didn't do this! 287 00:14:47,149 --> 00:14:48,441 [workers shouting] 288 00:14:48,551 --> 00:14:49,408 The saw did it! 289 00:14:49,518 --> 00:14:50,676 I just watched! 290 00:14:50,786 --> 00:14:54,180 [bells ringing] 291 00:15:01,631 --> 00:15:04,790 Dr. Mellon, this university has worked hard 292 00:15:04,901 --> 00:15:06,025 to build a good reputation. 293 00:15:06,135 --> 00:15:09,362 And you, with one preposterous paper, 294 00:15:09,472 --> 00:15:11,564 have come close to destroying it. 295 00:15:11,674 --> 00:15:13,499 But my theory is sound. 296 00:15:13,609 --> 00:15:15,001 History is not dead pursuit. 297 00:15:15,111 --> 00:15:16,769 It grows and changes every day. 298 00:15:16,879 --> 00:15:18,304 Not here. 299 00:15:18,414 --> 00:15:22,141 Here, you teach the curriculum as approved by this board. 300 00:15:22,251 --> 00:15:24,010 But my theory, the Green Mountain 301 00:15:24,120 --> 00:15:26,345 regulars, it has validity. 302 00:15:26,455 --> 00:15:29,348 Until your theory is fact, it is 303 00:15:29,458 --> 00:15:34,353 fiction, and belongs in the English department, not 304 00:15:34,463 --> 00:15:35,288 history. 305 00:15:40,603 --> 00:15:41,894 [sighs] 306 00:15:42,004 --> 00:15:43,863 Yes, sir. 307 00:15:43,973 --> 00:15:46,565 Ladies and gentlemen, that concludes 308 00:15:46,676 --> 00:15:49,368 our meeting for today. 309 00:15:49,478 --> 00:15:54,440 Thank you very much for your time and consideration. 310 00:15:54,550 --> 00:15:57,176 [chatter] 311 00:15:57,286 --> 00:16:00,112 That reference book you have there is irreplaceable. 312 00:16:00,222 --> 00:16:02,748 I hope you're not planning to take it off campus. 313 00:16:02,858 --> 00:16:04,183 No. 314 00:16:04,293 --> 00:16:05,518 I'll be careful with it. 315 00:16:05,628 --> 00:16:07,019 See that you are. 316 00:16:07,129 --> 00:16:09,455 (WHISPERING) We've been having trouble with Dr. Melon. 317 00:16:09,565 --> 00:16:10,489 It's a troubled time. 318 00:16:10,599 --> 00:16:14,860 [chatter] 319 00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:16,862 Dr. Melon, I'm Dr. Radner Glencliff. 320 00:16:16,972 --> 00:16:17,763 [gasps] 321 00:16:19,342 --> 00:16:20,566 Dr. Radner Glencliff, I'm honored to meet you, sir. 322 00:16:20,676 --> 00:16:21,834 I've read so much about you. 323 00:16:21,944 --> 00:16:23,102 Well, thank you. 324 00:16:23,212 --> 00:16:24,670 I must apologize for my fellow trustees. 325 00:16:24,780 --> 00:16:27,239 But both you and I know that the infighting in academia 326 00:16:27,350 --> 00:16:29,709 is so vicious only because the stakes are so small. 327 00:16:29,819 --> 00:16:31,544 Exactly, so small. 328 00:16:31,654 --> 00:16:35,781 Let's assume for the moment that your theory is true. 329 00:16:35,891 --> 00:16:37,183 Well, that would mean that the crown 330 00:16:37,293 --> 00:16:39,552 jewels residing in the Tower of London are fakes. 331 00:16:39,662 --> 00:16:41,954 And the real jewels are hidden inside a cannon 332 00:16:42,064 --> 00:16:43,322 somewhere in Virginia. 333 00:16:43,432 --> 00:16:44,657 Absolutely. 334 00:16:44,767 --> 00:16:48,594 Listen, I have more of an open mind than my colleagues. 335 00:16:48,704 --> 00:16:50,162 If you should come across anything that 336 00:16:50,272 --> 00:16:52,431 might help substantiate your article, 337 00:16:52,541 --> 00:16:54,433 you be sure and call on me first. 338 00:16:54,543 --> 00:16:57,336 I think I may have a better chance than you 339 00:16:57,446 --> 00:16:59,105 of getting them to accept it. 340 00:16:59,215 --> 00:17:00,373 Oh, well, thank you very much, sir. 341 00:17:00,483 --> 00:17:01,307 I will. You're a good man. 342 00:17:01,417 --> 00:17:02,641 Thank you. - Thank you. 343 00:17:02,752 --> 00:17:03,709 Take care. - Yes. 344 00:17:03,819 --> 00:17:04,643 GLENCLIFF: Bye-bye. 345 00:17:07,957 --> 00:17:09,382 [sighs] 346 00:17:11,193 --> 00:17:12,651 Hmm, let's see. 347 00:17:12,762 --> 00:17:13,753 Mosquito repellent? 348 00:17:13,863 --> 00:17:15,454 Yeah, that ought to scare them. 349 00:17:15,564 --> 00:17:17,356 Blasting caps. 350 00:17:17,466 --> 00:17:20,493 A brain is a terrible thing to waste. 351 00:17:20,603 --> 00:17:23,295 Map, map, where's the map? (BRITISH ACCENT) Oh, come now, 352 00:17:23,406 --> 00:17:25,865 don't tell me you've lost that bloody map. (AS PIRATE) 353 00:17:25,975 --> 00:17:26,999 Oh no, sir. 354 00:17:27,109 --> 00:17:29,568 That map's around here somewheres. 355 00:17:29,678 --> 00:17:31,437 Hey, professor! 356 00:17:31,547 --> 00:17:33,406 What's new in the history biz? 357 00:17:33,516 --> 00:17:34,373 Nothing. 358 00:17:34,483 --> 00:17:36,308 Well, why the long face? 359 00:17:36,419 --> 00:17:38,411 I thought you were a hysterical professor. 360 00:17:38,521 --> 00:17:41,580 Well, look, no time for games today, OK? 361 00:17:41,690 --> 00:17:43,416 I just had a meeting with the Board of Regents. 362 00:17:43,526 --> 00:17:44,617 And it really didn't go that well. 363 00:17:44,727 --> 00:17:46,285 Hey, you got something on your shirt. 364 00:17:46,395 --> 00:17:47,119 - Where? - Gotcha. 365 00:17:47,229 --> 00:17:47,987 Ah! [laughs] 366 00:17:48,097 --> 00:17:49,121 Ernest! 367 00:17:49,231 --> 00:17:50,122 Why do you insist on playing these 368 00:17:50,232 --> 00:17:51,457 outdated sophomoric pranks? 369 00:17:51,567 --> 00:17:55,661 Hey, speaking of outdated, look what I found. 370 00:17:55,771 --> 00:17:57,363 I don't have the time nor inclination. 371 00:17:57,473 --> 00:17:59,398 No look, you see, it's curved here, 372 00:17:59,508 --> 00:18:00,633 and it's got a beveled edge. 373 00:18:00,743 --> 00:18:01,734 Great. 374 00:18:01,844 --> 00:18:03,936 And I bet it would make a swell boomerang. 375 00:18:04,046 --> 00:18:05,137 [grunts] 376 00:18:06,482 --> 00:18:08,674 It'll be just the weapon we need (AUSTRALIAN ACCENT) 377 00:18:08,784 --> 00:18:11,844 when our mates are thrashin' about in the water, 378 00:18:11,954 --> 00:18:14,713 trying to keep away from them-- right, all right-- sharks. 379 00:18:14,824 --> 00:18:18,417 [swooshing] 380 00:18:18,527 --> 00:18:20,453 Ah! 381 00:18:20,563 --> 00:18:21,387 [thud] 382 00:18:26,001 --> 00:18:26,826 Sorry. 383 00:18:26,936 --> 00:18:27,960 [laughs] 384 00:18:28,070 --> 00:18:29,161 Oh, Ernest, you are unbelievable. 385 00:18:29,271 --> 00:18:30,362 You really are. 386 00:18:30,473 --> 00:18:31,764 That's the university's book. 387 00:18:31,874 --> 00:18:33,766 I'm responsible for it. 388 00:18:33,876 --> 00:18:35,534 Well, it's OK. 389 00:18:35,644 --> 00:18:36,368 I'll fix it. 390 00:18:36,479 --> 00:18:38,637 And they'll be none the wiser. 391 00:18:38,747 --> 00:18:39,572 Hmm. 392 00:18:39,682 --> 00:18:40,573 [squeaking] 393 00:18:40,683 --> 00:18:41,474 Just pull this out. 394 00:18:41,584 --> 00:18:42,875 What? 395 00:18:42,985 --> 00:18:45,110 [moans] 396 00:18:45,221 --> 00:18:46,111 Oh, Ern-- 397 00:18:46,222 --> 00:18:47,279 I'm sorry. 398 00:18:47,389 --> 00:18:48,714 Oh, please-- look, I have an idea. 399 00:18:48,824 --> 00:18:50,049 Yes. 400 00:18:50,159 --> 00:18:51,584 Next time you see me, just don't speak or wave 401 00:18:51,694 --> 00:18:54,453 or say anything like, hey Dr. Miller, look what I found! 402 00:18:54,563 --> 00:18:55,187 OK? 403 00:18:55,297 --> 00:18:57,957 Pl--please. 404 00:18:58,067 --> 00:18:59,124 Where did you get that? 405 00:18:59,235 --> 00:19:00,292 I found it. 406 00:19:00,402 --> 00:19:02,161 - Where did you find it? - In France. 407 00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:03,062 I found it in France. 408 00:19:03,172 --> 00:19:03,996 Where in France? 409 00:19:04,106 --> 00:19:05,297 Outside Paris. 410 00:19:05,407 --> 00:19:06,632 Where outside-- you've never been to Paris. 411 00:19:06,742 --> 00:19:07,333 Let me see it. 412 00:19:07,443 --> 00:19:08,601 Where did you find it? 413 00:19:08,711 --> 00:19:14,273 Well, I found it near some, uh, ruins. 414 00:19:14,383 --> 00:19:16,141 ABNER: If this is what I think it is, 415 00:19:16,252 --> 00:19:17,676 we are on the verge of a major discovery. 416 00:19:17,786 --> 00:19:20,146 You mean it's part of an alien spaceship or something? 417 00:19:20,256 --> 00:19:21,447 You want your pickle? 418 00:19:21,557 --> 00:19:23,249 Stamped out insignia like these were used 419 00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:25,618 as identification plates on American battlefield 420 00:19:25,728 --> 00:19:26,719 wagons in the 1700s. 421 00:19:26,829 --> 00:19:27,753 Well, why? 422 00:19:27,863 --> 00:19:29,388 Didn't the wagons know who they were? 423 00:19:29,498 --> 00:19:32,958 If (LAUGHING) by some miracle, there is a 3, a 1, 424 00:19:33,068 --> 00:19:36,028 and a 4 on this plane, it will prove 425 00:19:36,138 --> 00:19:39,498 that the Green Mountain Regulars Unit 314 really did exist. 426 00:19:39,608 --> 00:19:41,634 And at least part of my theory is true. 427 00:19:45,047 --> 00:19:45,938 Yes. 428 00:19:46,048 --> 00:19:47,606 There's a 4. 429 00:19:47,716 --> 00:19:50,576 You see, I told you being buddies would pay off. 430 00:19:50,686 --> 00:19:52,811 Professional collaborators, perhaps. 431 00:19:52,922 --> 00:19:54,046 Buddies? 432 00:19:54,156 --> 00:19:54,980 No. 433 00:19:55,090 --> 00:19:56,248 [chewing loudly] 434 00:19:56,358 --> 00:19:58,751 Who makes this bread anyway? Goodyear? 435 00:19:58,861 --> 00:20:01,520 ABNER: I believe King George III sent the Crown Jewels 436 00:20:01,630 --> 00:20:04,723 of England to America, to remind those revolutionary colonists 437 00:20:04,833 --> 00:20:06,759 they were still subject to the British crown. 438 00:20:06,869 --> 00:20:09,929 But the old 314th ambushed the English guard unit 439 00:20:10,039 --> 00:20:12,598 and stole the Crown Jewels right here in Virginia, 440 00:20:12,708 --> 00:20:14,333 then hid them in the barrel of a gigantic 441 00:20:14,443 --> 00:20:17,236 regiment mechanical Goliath. 442 00:20:17,346 --> 00:20:18,871 There's a 1. 443 00:20:18,981 --> 00:20:20,573 Vindication is so close. 444 00:20:24,620 --> 00:20:25,744 Look! 445 00:20:25,854 --> 00:20:27,146 There's a 3! 446 00:20:27,256 --> 00:20:29,048 Yes! There was a 314th! 447 00:20:29,158 --> 00:20:30,349 [grunts excitement] 448 00:20:30,459 --> 00:20:31,317 Finally it's true! 449 00:20:31,427 --> 00:20:32,284 My theory is true! 450 00:20:32,394 --> 00:20:33,752 It's true! 451 00:20:33,862 --> 00:20:35,754 [gagging] 452 00:20:35,864 --> 00:20:37,723 [groans] 453 00:20:44,106 --> 00:20:45,030 DOCTOR: Yes, absolutely, Doctor. 454 00:20:45,140 --> 00:20:46,565 I agree. 455 00:20:46,675 --> 00:20:49,568 I've tried mutual funds, money market CD's, and I just 456 00:20:49,678 --> 00:20:51,370 can't seem to keep ahead of inflation. 457 00:20:51,480 --> 00:20:54,506 Risk, Dr. Keen, is the fuel of wealth. 458 00:20:54,617 --> 00:20:56,942 Take the conquistadors of the 1500s. 459 00:20:57,052 --> 00:20:59,778 They risked everything to find wealth in the New World. 460 00:20:59,888 --> 00:21:00,846 And they found it. 461 00:21:00,956 --> 00:21:01,747 Didn't they? 462 00:21:01,857 --> 00:21:02,848 Yes. 463 00:21:02,958 --> 00:21:03,882 But many men died. 464 00:21:06,495 --> 00:21:07,987 MR. BILL: So your doctor friend will know 465 00:21:08,097 --> 00:21:09,788 what my metal boomerang is? 466 00:21:09,898 --> 00:21:11,123 ABNER: Oh, absolutely. 467 00:21:11,233 --> 00:21:14,193 Dr. Radner Glencliff is the preeminent private collector 468 00:21:14,303 --> 00:21:16,328 of historical artifacts in the nation. 469 00:21:16,438 --> 00:21:17,997 And fortunately for us, he's a wise man 470 00:21:18,107 --> 00:21:19,999 with no preconceived notions about how history was written. 471 00:21:20,109 --> 00:21:22,067 ANNOUNCER (ON PA): Dr. Wong, please report to Emergency. 472 00:21:22,177 --> 00:21:23,669 Can I help you? 473 00:21:23,779 --> 00:21:24,637 Yes. 474 00:21:24,747 --> 00:21:26,672 I had a preconceived notion once. 475 00:21:26,782 --> 00:21:28,007 But it turned out to be something 476 00:21:28,117 --> 00:21:29,375 I'd already thought of. 477 00:21:29,485 --> 00:21:30,776 When he sees this, he'll get behind my theory 478 00:21:30,886 --> 00:21:33,379 and the Board of Regents will listen to him. 479 00:21:33,489 --> 00:21:34,913 Well, what can I do for you? 480 00:21:35,024 --> 00:21:37,883 Dr. Abner Melon to see Dr. Radner Glencliff please. 481 00:21:37,993 --> 00:21:39,184 Oh, I'm sorry. 482 00:21:39,294 --> 00:21:41,587 Dr. Glencliff is not available at the moment. 483 00:21:41,697 --> 00:21:42,321 Oh. 484 00:21:42,431 --> 00:21:44,390 Oh, I'm-- I'm sorry. 485 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:45,758 But I did have an appointment. 486 00:21:45,868 --> 00:21:46,592 Oh? 487 00:21:46,702 --> 00:21:49,528 MR. BILL: Let me handle this. 488 00:21:49,638 --> 00:21:52,331 My good woman, kindly tell the doctor 489 00:21:52,441 --> 00:21:55,234 that the two persons waiting in the anteroom 490 00:21:55,344 --> 00:21:57,436 are in possession of a metal plate 491 00:21:57,546 --> 00:22:00,305 from a giant cannon called Goliath. 492 00:22:00,416 --> 00:22:01,507 [zapping] 493 00:22:01,617 --> 00:22:02,241 Oh! 494 00:22:02,351 --> 00:22:03,575 [beeping] 495 00:22:04,420 --> 00:22:07,579 You stand over there. 496 00:22:07,690 --> 00:22:09,014 - Over there? - Over there. 497 00:22:09,124 --> 00:22:09,915 MR. BILL: Over-- 498 00:22:10,025 --> 00:22:11,116 Over there! 499 00:22:11,226 --> 00:22:13,686 Over here? 500 00:22:13,796 --> 00:22:15,654 I'm supposed to be doing this. 501 00:22:15,764 --> 00:22:19,191 I've got the D-R-period in front of my name, not you, Ernest. 502 00:22:19,301 --> 00:22:22,428 Could I have my boomerang back please? 503 00:22:22,538 --> 00:22:23,729 [swooshing] [clang] 504 00:22:23,839 --> 00:22:24,630 Ow. 505 00:22:24,740 --> 00:22:25,964 [grunts] 506 00:22:26,075 --> 00:22:27,433 I don't know him. 507 00:22:27,543 --> 00:22:29,101 He followed me here. 508 00:22:29,211 --> 00:22:30,002 He did. 509 00:22:34,249 --> 00:22:36,442 Gentlemen, gentlemen, come right in. 510 00:22:36,552 --> 00:22:38,677 Sorry to interrupt you, doctor. 511 00:22:38,787 --> 00:22:40,679 Oh, this is overwhelming. 512 00:22:40,789 --> 00:22:44,450 Look, the Greco-Roman bust of Zeus. 513 00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:45,651 Oh, Cleopatra's-- 514 00:22:45,761 --> 00:22:48,454 Tube top. 515 00:22:48,564 --> 00:22:50,222 Ben Franklin's kite. 516 00:22:50,332 --> 00:22:52,658 Doctor, I've seen pictures of these items in magazines. 517 00:22:52,768 --> 00:22:54,626 But to see them in person is truly 518 00:22:54,737 --> 00:22:55,928 a breathtaking experience. 519 00:22:56,038 --> 00:22:58,030 I've spent a lifetime and service fortunes 520 00:22:58,140 --> 00:22:59,465 collecting what you see here. 521 00:22:59,575 --> 00:23:02,101 I knew a guy who collected roach wings. 522 00:23:02,211 --> 00:23:03,435 He's got one from Africa. 523 00:23:03,545 --> 00:23:05,070 It's as big as a fly swatter. 524 00:23:08,751 --> 00:23:12,111 Ms. Wilson said something about an ID plate. 525 00:23:12,221 --> 00:23:13,879 Yes. 526 00:23:13,989 --> 00:23:15,881 Ernest found this at the construction site 527 00:23:15,991 --> 00:23:17,049 at the Fairway Estates. 528 00:23:17,159 --> 00:23:17,950 See? 529 00:23:18,060 --> 00:23:18,817 3, 1, 4. 530 00:23:18,927 --> 00:23:20,386 GLENCLIFF: Hmm-- [shutter clicks] 531 00:23:20,496 --> 00:23:21,720 Certainly has the right markings. 532 00:23:21,830 --> 00:23:24,456 Seemed like the right alloys for the period. 533 00:23:24,566 --> 00:23:25,724 Have you done a carbon dating yet? 534 00:23:25,834 --> 00:23:27,593 No but the chip points are so obvious. 535 00:23:27,703 --> 00:23:29,027 GLENCLIFF: Yes they are. 536 00:23:29,138 --> 00:23:29,928 [boing] 537 00:23:31,273 --> 00:23:32,297 I agree with you. 538 00:23:32,408 --> 00:23:33,432 This could be the genuine article. 539 00:23:33,542 --> 00:23:34,700 Well, good for you. 540 00:23:34,810 --> 00:23:36,168 ABNER: Then you'll support my theory 541 00:23:36,278 --> 00:23:37,703 with the Board of Regents? 542 00:23:37,813 --> 00:23:40,205 GLENCLIFF: Now, Abner, we can't go off half-cocked here. 543 00:23:40,315 --> 00:23:41,740 [crackles] 544 00:23:41,850 --> 00:23:43,709 Other than this little bit of evidence that the regiment 545 00:23:43,819 --> 00:23:46,512 existed, you have nothing. 546 00:23:46,622 --> 00:23:49,181 Now, Dr. Melon, even if we were to accept this-- 547 00:23:49,291 --> 00:23:50,716 [disgusted groans] 548 00:23:50,826 --> 00:23:52,050 --as proof that the Green Mountain Regulars were not just 549 00:23:52,161 --> 00:23:54,987 a fiction, surely you can see that we're still 550 00:23:55,097 --> 00:23:57,222 a long way from having any real evidence 551 00:23:57,332 --> 00:24:02,327 that the crown jewels of England were hidden inside a cannon. 552 00:24:02,437 --> 00:24:04,029 Now, if this artifact were to lead 553 00:24:04,139 --> 00:24:06,632 to some remnant of Goliath, well, then you'd 554 00:24:06,742 --> 00:24:09,001 have something I could support. 555 00:24:09,111 --> 00:24:11,703 Well, if I could find Goliath, I-- 556 00:24:11,814 --> 00:24:12,838 I'd have the proof I need. 557 00:24:12,948 --> 00:24:14,406 GLENCLIFF: Dr. Melon, believe me. 558 00:24:14,516 --> 00:24:16,575 I want your theory validated as much as you do. 559 00:24:16,685 --> 00:24:18,043 But I've just got to have more. 560 00:24:18,153 --> 00:24:19,077 More? 561 00:24:19,188 --> 00:24:20,479 Let's go, Dr. Melon. I'm 562 00:24:20,589 --> 00:24:21,680 GLENCLIFF: Expecting great things from you, Abner. 563 00:24:21,790 --> 00:24:23,115 The university doesn't appreciate 564 00:24:23,225 --> 00:24:24,449 what an asset they have in you. 565 00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:25,784 Well, thank you very much. 566 00:24:25,894 --> 00:24:27,152 Now, if you should come up with anything more-- 567 00:24:27,262 --> 00:24:28,487 - Ernest, let go. - --you be sure and call me. 568 00:24:28,597 --> 00:24:29,988 I'll have my girl call your girl. 569 00:24:30,098 --> 00:24:31,690 We'll take a meeting. We'll do lunch. 570 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:33,058 Right now we're vapor trails. - Excuse me. 571 00:24:33,168 --> 00:24:34,359 We're out of here. 572 00:24:34,469 --> 00:24:35,327 As they say in your hobby, we're history. 573 00:24:35,437 --> 00:24:37,162 [laughs] - Sorry, doctor. 574 00:24:37,272 --> 00:24:38,564 Let's go, Abner. 575 00:24:38,674 --> 00:24:39,898 How could you do that? 576 00:24:40,008 --> 00:24:41,667 He's my only friend on the board. 577 00:24:41,777 --> 00:24:43,635 Do you remember when Indiana Jones 578 00:24:43,745 --> 00:24:46,605 grabbed the idol and the big rock started rolling after him? 579 00:24:46,715 --> 00:24:48,941 I think we've got that same kind of situation here. 580 00:24:49,051 --> 00:24:52,544 [crackling] 581 00:24:59,695 --> 00:25:02,487 [birds chirping] 582 00:25:02,598 --> 00:25:04,256 This neighborhood looks like-- 583 00:25:04,366 --> 00:25:06,058 --a Mighty Workboy neighborhood. 584 00:25:06,168 --> 00:25:06,992 Look. 585 00:25:07,102 --> 00:25:07,893 FRANK: A customer. 586 00:25:08,003 --> 00:25:08,994 JOE: A doctor. 587 00:25:09,104 --> 00:25:12,231 A good customer. 588 00:25:12,341 --> 00:25:13,498 A real-- - --good-- 589 00:25:13,609 --> 00:25:14,700 --customer. 590 00:25:14,810 --> 00:25:15,601 BOOK: (SINGING) I am Mighty Workboy, 591 00:25:15,711 --> 00:25:16,869 and I will work for you. 592 00:25:16,979 --> 00:25:18,370 I do upholstery and watch it as a I do. 593 00:25:18,480 --> 00:25:19,271 I'm the Mighty Workboy. 594 00:25:19,381 --> 00:25:20,472 I work for all I do-- 595 00:25:20,582 --> 00:25:22,207 - Good morning, ma'am. - Fine morning. 596 00:25:22,317 --> 00:25:23,108 Nice car. 597 00:25:23,218 --> 00:25:24,643 Pay cash? 598 00:25:24,753 --> 00:25:25,978 You know, unless this is the cure for the common cold, 599 00:25:26,088 --> 00:25:27,379 fellas, I'm afraid you're wasting your time. 600 00:25:27,489 --> 00:25:29,081 [laughter] 601 00:25:29,191 --> 00:25:30,849 Ma'am, we are just so terribly pleased to be 602 00:25:30,959 --> 00:25:32,017 able to offer you the amazing-- 603 00:25:32,127 --> 00:25:34,353 --Mighty Workboy vacuum cleaner. 604 00:25:34,463 --> 00:25:35,320 For only $22. 605 00:25:35,430 --> 00:25:36,288 And 75 cents. 606 00:25:36,398 --> 00:25:37,990 $22.00? 607 00:25:38,100 --> 00:25:39,658 BOTH: And 75 cents. 608 00:25:39,768 --> 00:25:41,360 - Really. - No strings attached. 609 00:25:41,470 --> 00:25:42,361 Really? 610 00:25:42,471 --> 00:25:43,762 Ooh, and such a good price? 611 00:25:43,872 --> 00:25:45,797 Although there is a small financing charge. 612 00:25:45,908 --> 00:25:47,266 - And carrying cost. - Plus cord. 613 00:25:47,376 --> 00:25:48,300 - And the motor. - Handle. 614 00:25:48,410 --> 00:25:49,568 And attachments. 615 00:25:49,678 --> 00:25:50,802 And taken together with the price of-- 616 00:25:50,913 --> 00:25:52,170 - The cute little headlight. - Wheels. 617 00:25:52,281 --> 00:25:53,472 And the dirt container bag. 618 00:25:53,582 --> 00:25:55,207 And of course, the amazing Mighty Workboy-- 619 00:25:55,317 --> 00:25:57,342 --bug fogger. It comes to a total of 235-- 620 00:25:57,452 --> 00:25:58,844 - --dollars-- - --and 16-- 621 00:25:58,954 --> 00:25:59,645 --cents. 622 00:25:59,755 --> 00:26:00,679 And that's American money. 623 00:26:00,789 --> 00:26:01,947 Well, good luck to you both. 624 00:26:02,057 --> 00:26:02,981 Yeah-- 625 00:26:03,091 --> 00:26:04,449 - That's our only-- - --copy. 626 00:26:04,559 --> 00:26:05,417 - Get it. - Can't. 627 00:26:05,527 --> 00:26:06,451 - Get it. - Can't. 628 00:26:06,562 --> 00:26:07,319 - Get it. - Can't. 629 00:26:07,429 --> 00:26:08,387 - Get it. - Can't. 630 00:26:08,497 --> 00:26:09,388 Get it. Stuck! 631 00:26:09,498 --> 00:26:10,589 Really? 632 00:26:10,699 --> 00:26:12,457 NAN: Abner? 633 00:26:12,567 --> 00:26:13,725 Honey? 634 00:26:13,835 --> 00:26:15,160 Guess what I bought? 635 00:26:15,270 --> 00:26:16,728 It just spoke to me. 636 00:26:16,838 --> 00:26:18,397 - Not more clothes. - Oh, it's such a good move. 637 00:26:18,507 --> 00:26:20,365 Nan, I thought I told you that we can't afford any more-- 638 00:26:20,475 --> 00:26:23,535 No, that new car I've been wishing and dreaming for. 639 00:26:23,645 --> 00:26:26,338 - A car? - Mhm. 640 00:26:26,448 --> 00:26:27,272 A new one? 641 00:26:27,382 --> 00:26:28,507 Well, of course, dear. 642 00:26:28,617 --> 00:26:29,975 A new car? 643 00:26:30,085 --> 00:26:30,809 On what I make? 644 00:26:30,919 --> 00:26:32,277 Abner, don't yell at me. 645 00:26:32,387 --> 00:26:34,513 You're a well-respected university professor, 646 00:26:34,623 --> 00:26:35,948 and I'm your loving wife. 647 00:26:36,058 --> 00:26:37,316 I just knew you wouldn't want me to go to the Dean's 648 00:26:37,426 --> 00:26:39,251 tee in that rickety beat-up old Dodge Dart now 649 00:26:39,361 --> 00:26:42,387 would you, honey? 650 00:26:42,497 --> 00:26:43,789 And this spring, of course, we'll 651 00:26:43,899 --> 00:26:45,724 be invited to the Chancellor's Easter Egg hunt. 652 00:26:45,834 --> 00:26:47,192 Now we can arrive in style. 653 00:26:47,302 --> 00:26:50,495 So how'd it go today the Board of Regents? 654 00:26:50,605 --> 00:26:52,064 Did they like your article? 655 00:26:52,174 --> 00:26:52,965 Hmm? 656 00:26:53,075 --> 00:26:54,366 Uh, they-- um-- 657 00:26:54,476 --> 00:26:56,068 They what? 658 00:26:56,178 --> 00:26:58,170 Well, they were, uh, somewhat reluctant. 659 00:26:58,280 --> 00:26:59,204 I-- I would say. 660 00:26:59,314 --> 00:27:00,472 You embarrassed me again, didn't you? 661 00:27:00,582 --> 00:27:01,573 No, no, no, no. I didn't, Nan. 662 00:27:01,683 --> 00:27:02,975 I-- 663 00:27:03,085 --> 00:27:04,409 Mm, you brought up that theory again, didn't you? 664 00:27:04,519 --> 00:27:06,445 Maybe a little bit at first, I brought it up look. 665 00:27:06,555 --> 00:27:07,779 But look, look. 666 00:27:07,889 --> 00:27:09,181 Ernest found a cannon plate at Fairway Estates 667 00:27:09,291 --> 00:27:10,082 in the subdivision. 668 00:27:10,192 --> 00:27:11,383 Ernest? 669 00:27:11,493 --> 00:27:13,785 Abner, how many times have I told you never to be seen 670 00:27:13,895 --> 00:27:15,887 socializing with that bonehead? 671 00:27:15,998 --> 00:27:17,122 Now, you're a professor of standing. 672 00:27:17,232 --> 00:27:19,191 You will ruin our sterling reputation. 673 00:27:19,301 --> 00:27:21,393 But I think he's made a pretty incredible discovery. 674 00:27:21,503 --> 00:27:24,663 Now, you keep your little discoveries to yourself. 675 00:27:24,773 --> 00:27:26,298 Especially when that Ernest is involved, 676 00:27:26,408 --> 00:27:27,933 and everything'll be just fine. 677 00:27:28,043 --> 00:27:29,101 Your tenure will lock in our future 678 00:27:29,211 --> 00:27:30,569 and we will have nothing to worry about. 679 00:27:30,679 --> 00:27:31,503 OK? 680 00:27:31,613 --> 00:27:32,971 Tell me I'm pretty. 681 00:27:33,081 --> 00:27:33,705 Pretty. 682 00:27:33,815 --> 00:27:36,675 Gimme a kiss. 683 00:27:36,785 --> 00:27:38,276 Really hate that tie, dear. Really do. 684 00:27:38,387 --> 00:27:39,211 Ooh, yummy. 685 00:27:43,558 --> 00:27:44,416 [sighs] 686 00:27:44,526 --> 00:27:47,919 [birds chirping] 687 00:27:48,797 --> 00:27:50,455 Hey, so what's next? 688 00:27:50,565 --> 00:27:54,026 A press release. (AS REPORTER) New find proves lost regiment. 689 00:27:54,136 --> 00:27:56,094 Hey, "The Enquirer" will call for sure. 690 00:27:56,204 --> 00:27:58,363 "Nightline," "Unsolved Mysteries." 691 00:27:58,473 --> 00:28:01,199 If it's sweets week, we might even get to meet Madonna. 692 00:28:01,309 --> 00:28:02,467 Oh now, Ernest, please. 693 00:28:02,577 --> 00:28:03,902 Hold on. 694 00:28:04,012 --> 00:28:06,138 We should go to DC and talk to those Smithsonians. 695 00:28:06,248 --> 00:28:08,807 Now, there's a family that knows a lot about old stuff. 696 00:28:08,917 --> 00:28:10,876 No, Ernest, you go back to your job. 697 00:28:10,986 --> 00:28:11,810 I go back to mine. 698 00:28:11,920 --> 00:28:12,711 We do nothing. 699 00:28:12,821 --> 00:28:13,812 Boy, aren't we a team? 700 00:28:13,922 --> 00:28:15,047 And what about that Goliath. 701 00:28:15,157 --> 00:28:17,115 Don't you just love big cannons? 702 00:28:17,225 --> 00:28:19,451 Taking those big wire brushes and running them up and down 703 00:28:19,561 --> 00:28:20,652 that barrel? 704 00:28:20,762 --> 00:28:21,319 Please, Ernest, enough with the cannon! 705 00:28:21,430 --> 00:28:22,454 Enough! 706 00:28:22,564 --> 00:28:23,955 If I even mention my theory again, 707 00:28:24,066 --> 00:28:25,657 the university will lock me up and throw away the key. 708 00:28:25,767 --> 00:28:29,828 Come on, Dr. Melon, through a stroke of incredibly dumb luck, 709 00:28:29,938 --> 00:28:32,397 you have the chance to have a 40-pound adventure 710 00:28:32,507 --> 00:28:34,266 on a 5-pound test line. 711 00:28:34,376 --> 00:28:36,134 So what do you say, huh? What do you say? 712 00:28:36,244 --> 00:28:37,702 You got something on your tie. - Huh? 713 00:28:37,813 --> 00:28:38,603 Gotcha. [laughs] 714 00:28:38,713 --> 00:28:39,604 Ernest! I hate that! 715 00:28:39,715 --> 00:28:40,739 Do you think that's clever?! 716 00:28:40,849 --> 00:28:42,040 Because I don't think it's funny! 717 00:28:42,150 --> 00:28:42,808 Look at me! 718 00:28:42,918 --> 00:28:44,776 I'm not laughing! See? 719 00:28:44,886 --> 00:28:46,278 I'm sorry, Dr. Melon. 720 00:28:46,388 --> 00:28:49,281 I-- I was just trying to cheer you up. 721 00:28:49,391 --> 00:28:50,949 Ernest, don't bother! 722 00:28:51,059 --> 00:28:52,050 Please! 723 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:53,585 Dreaming of finding Goliath was nothing more 724 00:28:53,695 --> 00:28:57,055 than a fiction, a soap bubble. 725 00:28:57,165 --> 00:28:59,357 Nobody believes my theory. 726 00:28:59,468 --> 00:29:01,660 I'm not even sure I do anymore. 727 00:29:01,770 --> 00:29:03,728 Well, I have faith in you, Dr. Melon. 728 00:29:03,839 --> 00:29:07,332 [music playing] 729 00:29:11,379 --> 00:29:13,138 Just my luck. 730 00:29:13,248 --> 00:29:16,241 Ernest P. Worrell is my only ally. 731 00:29:16,351 --> 00:29:19,544 As the day is long. 732 00:29:19,654 --> 00:29:20,645 Really? 733 00:29:20,755 --> 00:29:23,415 Really. 734 00:29:23,525 --> 00:29:24,916 So what's it going to be, huh? 735 00:29:25,026 --> 00:29:26,952 Is it to going to be (IMITATES STUDENT) Oh, Dr. Melon, 736 00:29:27,062 --> 00:29:28,553 I forgot my homework. 737 00:29:28,663 --> 00:29:31,490 Oh, do I have to take that test again? 738 00:29:31,600 --> 00:29:33,091 My foot's asleep. 739 00:29:33,201 --> 00:29:38,864 Or are we going to walk over to that car, roll those big dice, 740 00:29:38,974 --> 00:29:41,266 never mind the consequences, come what may, 741 00:29:41,376 --> 00:29:43,635 the sky's the limit for adventure. 742 00:29:43,745 --> 00:29:45,337 Come on, we're a team, aren't we? 743 00:29:45,447 --> 00:29:46,271 Aren't we? 744 00:29:46,381 --> 00:29:48,206 Stanley and Livingston? 745 00:29:48,316 --> 00:29:49,774 Lewis and Clark? 746 00:29:49,885 --> 00:29:51,543 Sonny and Cher? 747 00:29:51,653 --> 00:29:52,577 Worrell and Melon? 748 00:29:52,687 --> 00:29:53,612 - Melon are Worrell? - Yes! 749 00:29:53,722 --> 00:29:54,613 Yes! 750 00:29:54,723 --> 00:29:55,747 We're going to tie one on! 751 00:29:55,857 --> 00:29:56,681 Tear one loose! 752 00:29:56,792 --> 00:29:57,849 Rip one off! 753 00:29:57,959 --> 00:29:59,618 - Muckle onto some antlers! - Yes! 754 00:29:59,728 --> 00:30:00,619 - Yes! - Yes! 755 00:30:00,729 --> 00:30:02,621 No! 756 00:30:02,731 --> 00:30:04,156 I have to teach a class. 757 00:30:04,266 --> 00:30:05,724 I'd have to have the brain of a six-year-old 758 00:30:05,834 --> 00:30:07,893 to even consider it. 759 00:30:08,003 --> 00:30:09,294 Ready when you are. 760 00:30:09,404 --> 00:30:10,228 [laughs] 761 00:30:11,673 --> 00:30:12,531 OK! 762 00:30:12,641 --> 00:30:13,865 But I'll drive! 763 00:30:13,975 --> 00:30:15,967 Nan's insurance is very specific on that point! 764 00:30:16,077 --> 00:30:18,336 Gosh, I never get to drive new cars. 765 00:30:18,446 --> 00:30:20,272 Can I just take it out of the parking space? 766 00:30:20,382 --> 00:30:23,308 GLENCLIFF: Finally, direct evidence. 767 00:30:23,418 --> 00:30:26,478 Computer access the Oxford Historical Library. 768 00:30:26,588 --> 00:30:28,713 I want to know everything there is to know about King George 769 00:30:28,823 --> 00:30:31,416 III, the crown jewels, the Green Mountain 770 00:30:31,526 --> 00:30:35,120 Regulars and a pre-Revolutionary War siege cannon named Goliath. 771 00:30:35,230 --> 00:30:37,255 If we start the research, we may be exposed. 772 00:30:37,365 --> 00:30:39,958 What we need is an alias, or a buffer. 773 00:30:40,068 --> 00:30:45,964 Use J. Quentin University, Dr. Abner Melon. 774 00:30:46,074 --> 00:30:49,568 [british music playing] 775 00:30:51,613 --> 00:30:55,040 [spy music playing] 776 00:31:04,092 --> 00:31:06,318 This information just came through from the Oxford 777 00:31:06,428 --> 00:31:07,586 Library, sir. 778 00:31:07,696 --> 00:31:10,488 They thought you needed to be notified straight away. 779 00:31:10,599 --> 00:31:11,923 Hmm. 780 00:31:12,033 --> 00:31:15,727 Well, well, after a silence of more than 200 years, 781 00:31:15,837 --> 00:31:18,430 someone is finally poking their nose about. 782 00:31:18,540 --> 00:31:19,764 The Goliath, sir? 783 00:31:19,874 --> 00:31:22,267 And perhaps, the Crown Jewels. 784 00:31:22,377 --> 00:31:23,969 You know what this means for Britain, don't you? 785 00:31:24,079 --> 00:31:25,170 I'm afraid so sir. 786 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:27,372 A change in the status quo. 787 00:31:31,353 --> 00:31:32,010 Whew. 788 00:31:32,120 --> 00:31:33,879 New car smell. Boy. 789 00:31:33,989 --> 00:31:35,380 - This is where you found it? - Yeah. 790 00:31:35,490 --> 00:31:37,515 I found it in that construction site, right over there. 791 00:31:37,626 --> 00:31:40,218 [chatter] 792 00:31:40,328 --> 00:31:41,853 Then what are we doing sitting here? 793 00:31:41,963 --> 00:31:43,622 Well, now's not a good time. 794 00:31:43,732 --> 00:31:44,856 Uh, Makita warriors. 795 00:31:44,966 --> 00:31:45,757 What? 796 00:31:45,867 --> 00:31:47,259 Shh. 797 00:31:47,369 --> 00:31:48,793 Well, it was certainly the right time when you pulled 798 00:31:48,903 --> 00:31:50,428 me away from my classroom. 799 00:31:50,538 --> 00:31:51,830 Hey, lunch guys. 800 00:31:51,940 --> 00:31:54,699 [chatter] 801 00:31:55,944 --> 00:31:58,637 OK, now's a good time. Let's go. 802 00:31:58,747 --> 00:32:00,538 Roll up the window. 803 00:32:00,649 --> 00:32:01,439 Lock the door. 804 00:32:04,486 --> 00:32:06,645 And don't slam it. 805 00:32:06,755 --> 00:32:07,912 You slammed it! - Shh. 806 00:32:08,023 --> 00:32:09,381 Makita warriors. 807 00:32:09,491 --> 00:32:10,315 Makita warriors. 808 00:32:10,425 --> 00:32:13,618 It's expensive. 809 00:32:13,728 --> 00:32:15,153 [buzzing] 810 00:32:15,263 --> 00:32:17,756 ERNEST: Man oh man, you should have been with me the day 811 00:32:17,866 --> 00:32:19,324 I found Cleopatra's crystal skull. 812 00:32:19,434 --> 00:32:20,325 Mhm. 813 00:32:20,435 --> 00:32:21,993 That was a red-letter day to remember. 814 00:32:22,103 --> 00:32:25,130 The Tencholocator 2000-C is the world's greatest 815 00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:26,731 finding device. [beeps] 816 00:32:26,841 --> 00:32:29,367 It eliminates any unnecessary digging for worthless objects. 817 00:32:29,477 --> 00:32:30,168 Ow! 818 00:32:30,278 --> 00:32:32,470 I had a finding device once. 819 00:32:32,580 --> 00:32:33,805 I lost it. 820 00:32:33,915 --> 00:32:36,141 Doesn't seem to be turning up any evidence of a cannon. 821 00:32:36,251 --> 00:32:39,311 Well, maybe I should just look for it the old-fashioned way. 822 00:32:39,421 --> 00:32:40,745 Oh, I have the utmost confidence 823 00:32:40,855 --> 00:32:42,080 in the Tencho, Ernest. 824 00:32:42,190 --> 00:32:44,516 Any other method would be entirely superfluous. 825 00:32:44,626 --> 00:32:48,386 Abner, listen to the voice of experience. 826 00:32:48,496 --> 00:32:49,387 [cracking] 827 00:32:49,497 --> 00:32:51,389 [screams] 828 00:32:51,499 --> 00:32:52,190 [groans] 829 00:32:52,300 --> 00:32:53,758 Ernest, are you dead? 830 00:32:53,868 --> 00:32:55,260 [groans] 831 00:32:55,370 --> 00:32:58,096 Well, I guess I would be if I weren't just that close 832 00:32:58,206 --> 00:32:59,898 to being an actual cartoon. 833 00:33:00,008 --> 00:33:00,999 - Oh. - Oh. 834 00:33:01,109 --> 00:33:02,467 Ouch. - What is it? 835 00:33:02,577 --> 00:33:03,401 What? 836 00:33:03,511 --> 00:33:04,602 Ow. 837 00:33:04,713 --> 00:33:06,037 Swing your detector over here. 838 00:33:06,147 --> 00:33:07,405 [beeping] 839 00:33:07,515 --> 00:33:09,541 ABNER: Some sort of round metal object. 840 00:33:09,651 --> 00:33:10,575 A hubcap? 841 00:33:10,685 --> 00:33:11,910 Its density is too high for a hubcap. 842 00:33:12,020 --> 00:33:13,044 Hmm. 843 00:33:15,890 --> 00:33:16,748 [gasps] 844 00:33:16,858 --> 00:33:17,749 It's a cannonball. 845 00:33:17,859 --> 00:33:18,783 A can-- 846 00:33:18,893 --> 00:33:19,918 A-- a real cannonball, Abner. 847 00:33:20,028 --> 00:33:21,219 A really, really, real cannonball. 848 00:33:21,329 --> 00:33:22,287 Yes. 849 00:33:22,397 --> 00:33:23,788 Not the cannonball you did in the pool 850 00:33:23,898 --> 00:33:25,790 when your sister was wearing her graduation dress, no. 851 00:33:25,900 --> 00:33:29,928 A real boom-boom cannonball, the kind they used to use to storm 852 00:33:30,038 --> 00:33:31,062 mighty fortresses and-- 853 00:33:31,172 --> 00:33:32,664 Ernest? Dig. 854 00:33:32,774 --> 00:33:33,932 Oh, right. Right. 855 00:33:34,042 --> 00:33:35,433 Ow. Hey! 856 00:33:35,543 --> 00:33:36,368 Hey! Hey! 857 00:33:36,478 --> 00:33:37,302 Ow! 858 00:33:37,412 --> 00:33:39,437 Ernest! 859 00:33:39,547 --> 00:33:40,438 [sighs] 860 00:33:40,548 --> 00:33:43,808 [humming] 861 00:33:47,889 --> 00:33:50,749 (SINGING) Didn't really wanna-- 862 00:33:50,859 --> 00:33:54,519 you-- Abner, you didn't. 863 00:33:54,629 --> 00:33:58,723 Darling, it's my car, not our car. 864 00:33:58,833 --> 00:33:59,991 Where is my car?! 865 00:34:00,101 --> 00:34:03,561 [music playing] 866 00:34:11,045 --> 00:34:11,836 Stop the car! 867 00:34:11,946 --> 00:34:12,771 [tires squeal] 868 00:34:12,881 --> 00:34:13,838 Hey! 869 00:34:13,948 --> 00:34:15,573 Take me to the university now. 870 00:34:15,683 --> 00:34:17,242 This is an emergency. 871 00:34:17,352 --> 00:34:18,543 Opportunity knocks-- 872 00:34:18,653 --> 00:34:20,178 - --more than once-- - --whenever your work-- 873 00:34:20,288 --> 00:34:21,079 --the neighborhood. 874 00:34:21,189 --> 00:34:22,013 [laughter] 875 00:34:22,123 --> 00:34:23,515 BOTH: Well, hello. 876 00:34:23,625 --> 00:34:25,183 - Move it. - Oh! 877 00:34:25,293 --> 00:34:26,785 You're sitting on my loose change! 878 00:34:26,895 --> 00:34:27,719 Ah, quiet. 879 00:34:27,829 --> 00:34:29,621 Give it to the homeless. 880 00:34:29,731 --> 00:34:30,922 [car backfires] 881 00:34:31,032 --> 00:34:33,658 From the markings on this ball and it's unusual size, 882 00:34:33,768 --> 00:34:36,461 there is no doubt in my mind it was fired from the Goliath, 883 00:34:36,571 --> 00:34:38,029 the largest cannon ever cast. 884 00:34:38,139 --> 00:34:42,267 Made at the Delacroix Foundry in [inaudible], France, in 1727. 885 00:34:42,377 --> 00:34:44,636 I can start a fire with that magnifying glass. 886 00:34:44,746 --> 00:34:45,570 Roll it over. 887 00:34:45,680 --> 00:34:46,805 Roll it over. 888 00:34:46,915 --> 00:34:49,974 The Goliath fired a maximum load of 18.9 kilograms 889 00:34:50,084 --> 00:34:51,576 of black powder. 890 00:34:51,686 --> 00:34:54,179 A ball of this diameter and mass would have an effective range 891 00:34:54,289 --> 00:34:55,814 of 1,300 yards. 892 00:34:55,924 --> 00:34:57,916 You didn't cut a lot of classes in school did you? 893 00:34:58,026 --> 00:35:01,486 From the striations on those rocks there, it's obvious. 894 00:35:01,596 --> 00:35:03,321 The shot was fired from that grassy knoll. 895 00:35:03,431 --> 00:35:04,389 Yeah. 896 00:35:04,499 --> 00:35:05,657 I never believed that Warren guy anyway. 897 00:35:05,767 --> 00:35:06,591 Did you? 898 00:35:09,871 --> 00:35:10,995 Makita warriors! - What? 899 00:35:11,106 --> 00:35:12,263 Run, Dr. Melon! Run! 900 00:35:12,373 --> 00:35:13,364 Whoa! Where? 901 00:35:13,475 --> 00:35:14,265 Away! 902 00:35:16,344 --> 00:35:20,772 Chow mein, chopped suey, sweet and sour-- 903 00:35:20,882 --> 00:35:24,175 [music playing] 904 00:35:24,285 --> 00:35:28,346 [wood cracking] 905 00:35:31,226 --> 00:35:32,117 Wait-- 906 00:35:32,227 --> 00:35:35,687 [cracking] 907 00:35:40,568 --> 00:35:42,360 - I left my detector! - Me too! 908 00:35:42,470 --> 00:35:43,294 But it was a Tencho! 909 00:35:43,404 --> 00:35:45,063 Mine was an 11-cho! 910 00:35:45,173 --> 00:35:46,397 But why are we running? 911 00:35:46,508 --> 00:35:48,566 Because our legs are moving very, very fast! 912 00:35:48,676 --> 00:35:49,334 Oh. 913 00:35:49,444 --> 00:35:50,401 Open the door, Dr. Melon. 914 00:35:50,512 --> 00:35:51,769 Open the door. - Let me see. 915 00:35:51,880 --> 00:35:53,104 That one's for the ignition. This is for the-- 916 00:35:53,214 --> 00:35:54,606 Unlock the door! unlock the door! 917 00:35:54,716 --> 00:35:55,707 Unlock the door! 918 00:35:55,817 --> 00:35:57,308 If I scratch the paint, Nan will have a fit. 919 00:35:57,418 --> 00:35:58,843 How's she going to feel about scraping 920 00:35:58,953 --> 00:36:00,745 your brains off the hood? 921 00:36:00,855 --> 00:36:03,515 Good point. 922 00:36:03,625 --> 00:36:05,083 It's him! 923 00:36:05,193 --> 00:36:06,818 Get him! 924 00:36:06,928 --> 00:36:08,953 The one in the ball cap's mine. 925 00:36:09,063 --> 00:36:10,355 ABNER: Watch the door handle, Ernest. 926 00:36:10,465 --> 00:36:11,823 Ah! ABNER: Thank you. 927 00:36:11,933 --> 00:36:13,091 [men shouting] [engine starts] 928 00:36:13,201 --> 00:36:14,292 Let's move! Come on! 929 00:36:14,402 --> 00:36:15,426 Let's go! Let's go! 930 00:36:15,537 --> 00:36:17,128 I have to let it warm up first. 931 00:36:17,238 --> 00:36:19,564 Oh! 932 00:36:19,674 --> 00:36:21,533 [engine revs] 933 00:36:21,643 --> 00:36:22,534 ABNER: Whoa! 934 00:36:22,644 --> 00:36:26,271 [men shouting] 935 00:36:26,381 --> 00:36:29,240 ERNEST: Aim for the big ones. 936 00:36:29,350 --> 00:36:30,808 Be a moving target. 937 00:36:30,919 --> 00:36:32,143 ABNER: Oh! 938 00:36:32,253 --> 00:36:33,811 You guys are in trouble when my wife finds out! 939 00:36:33,922 --> 00:36:35,313 She's definitely-- 940 00:36:35,423 --> 00:36:36,548 --taking the bait. 941 00:36:36,658 --> 00:36:38,249 Now all we have to do is-- 942 00:36:38,359 --> 00:36:40,251 BOTH: --reel her in. 943 00:36:40,361 --> 00:36:42,420 [laughter] 944 00:36:42,530 --> 00:36:44,389 Well, Abner is not here. 945 00:36:44,499 --> 00:36:45,490 I just know he's with that Ernest, 946 00:36:45,600 --> 00:36:47,091 looking for some imaginary cannon. 947 00:36:47,202 --> 00:36:48,293 Did we mention-- [grunts] 948 00:36:48,403 --> 00:36:49,494 - --the Mighty Workboy-- - --is ideal-- 949 00:36:49,604 --> 00:36:50,762 --for cleaning swimming pools-- 950 00:36:50,872 --> 00:36:51,563 --septic tanks-- 951 00:36:51,673 --> 00:36:52,397 --oil spills-- 952 00:36:52,507 --> 00:36:53,865 --and other natural disasters? 953 00:36:53,975 --> 00:36:56,367 Is my nose bleeding? 954 00:36:56,477 --> 00:36:58,836 The Goliath had a range of 3/4 of a mile. 955 00:36:58,947 --> 00:37:00,338 So it's got to be around here somewhere. 956 00:37:00,448 --> 00:37:03,908 [music playing] 957 00:37:13,595 --> 00:37:15,386 Hey. 958 00:37:15,496 --> 00:37:16,955 Isn't this one of those little lizards 959 00:37:17,065 --> 00:37:21,059 that when the tail falls off, it can grow another lizard? 960 00:37:21,169 --> 00:37:23,428 Oh, what am I doing here? 961 00:37:23,538 --> 00:37:25,230 How did I let you convince me that Goliath 962 00:37:25,340 --> 00:37:27,098 could be anywhere around here? 963 00:37:27,208 --> 00:37:28,933 Oh I know, it's obvious. 964 00:37:29,043 --> 00:37:30,368 I must be losing my mind. 965 00:37:30,478 --> 00:37:33,605 What I want to know is, when it does lose its tail, 966 00:37:33,715 --> 00:37:36,174 does it grow one back real fast like, overnight? 967 00:37:36,284 --> 00:37:39,677 Or does it take a couple weeks? 968 00:37:39,787 --> 00:37:45,516 I'm a well-read, intelligent, literate man with two PhDs. 969 00:37:45,627 --> 00:37:49,087 So how is it I'm on a wild goose chase with a refugee 970 00:37:49,197 --> 00:37:50,722 from "Sesame Street?" 971 00:37:50,832 --> 00:37:54,325 Gosh, going two weeks without a tail would be tough. 972 00:37:54,435 --> 00:37:55,326 That's it. 973 00:37:55,436 --> 00:37:56,761 Forget it. I'm finished. 974 00:37:56,871 --> 00:37:57,996 No more, Ernest. 975 00:37:58,106 --> 00:38:00,398 It's probably not here anyway. 976 00:38:00,508 --> 00:38:01,933 We're just wasting time. 977 00:38:05,446 --> 00:38:09,240 Oh, is your little nest in here? 978 00:38:09,350 --> 00:38:10,875 Hello? 979 00:38:10,985 --> 00:38:13,778 (ECHOES) Hello? 980 00:38:13,888 --> 00:38:16,147 Dr. Melon, come up here. 981 00:38:16,257 --> 00:38:17,415 You've got to hear this. 982 00:38:17,525 --> 00:38:18,783 It's really neat. 983 00:38:18,893 --> 00:38:21,719 Herpetology is not my field, Ernest. 984 00:38:24,699 --> 00:38:31,029 (ECHOING) Budd, Shackleton, Perry, don't worry lads. 985 00:38:31,139 --> 00:38:34,699 We're going to lower a line down into the ice cave! 986 00:38:34,809 --> 00:38:38,369 And you'll be up here with us in now time, sipping tea, 987 00:38:38,479 --> 00:38:40,405 before you can say Jack B-- 988 00:38:40,515 --> 00:38:42,206 [echoing screams] 989 00:38:42,316 --> 00:38:43,341 Ernest! 990 00:38:46,187 --> 00:38:47,078 [wincing] 991 00:38:47,188 --> 00:38:48,012 Ouch. 992 00:38:55,863 --> 00:38:58,222 That little lizard's got to be around here somewhere. 993 00:38:58,332 --> 00:38:59,223 [creaking] 994 00:38:59,334 --> 00:39:00,124 Are you all right? 995 00:39:02,336 --> 00:39:03,194 [clang] - Oh! 996 00:39:03,304 --> 00:39:04,162 Ow! 997 00:39:04,272 --> 00:39:05,830 Is there anything there? 998 00:39:05,940 --> 00:39:07,465 Did you find something? 999 00:39:10,345 --> 00:39:11,636 No. 1000 00:39:11,746 --> 00:39:13,905 There's nothing down here. 1001 00:39:14,015 --> 00:39:16,641 Ouch. 1002 00:39:16,751 --> 00:39:19,544 We came so close to catching them. 1003 00:39:19,654 --> 00:39:20,912 They took off up there. - Thank you. 1004 00:39:21,022 --> 00:39:21,946 Thank you. 1005 00:39:22,056 --> 00:39:23,147 We'll send somebody by to pick it up. 1006 00:39:23,257 --> 00:39:24,082 OK. 1007 00:39:26,260 --> 00:39:27,085 Oh! 1008 00:39:27,195 --> 00:39:29,921 [laughs] 1009 00:39:30,031 --> 00:39:31,489 Oh, it actually exists! 1010 00:39:31,599 --> 00:39:33,157 Oh, I can't believe it. 1011 00:39:33,267 --> 00:39:34,859 Look at the size of it. 1012 00:39:34,969 --> 00:39:36,427 Oh, oh, it's true. 1013 00:39:36,537 --> 00:39:39,030 All my theories are true. 1014 00:39:39,140 --> 00:39:41,232 Oh, oh, look, look, look! 1015 00:39:41,342 --> 00:39:43,034 The fuse is even still intact! 1016 00:39:43,144 --> 00:39:45,470 Oh, those irregulars must have left in an awful hurry. 1017 00:39:45,580 --> 00:39:48,039 I was irregular once. 1018 00:39:48,149 --> 00:39:49,173 Oh, it's too tight. 1019 00:39:49,283 --> 00:39:50,341 I can't get in to see. 1020 00:39:50,451 --> 00:39:52,610 (WITH ACCENT) Well, Dr. Jones, I see 1021 00:39:52,720 --> 00:39:55,012 you have found the arc for us. 1022 00:39:55,123 --> 00:39:56,447 [laughs] 1023 00:39:56,557 --> 00:39:58,082 Give your adventure delusions a rest for a second 1024 00:39:58,192 --> 00:39:59,117 and give me your hand. 1025 00:39:59,227 --> 00:40:00,718 No problemo. 1026 00:40:00,828 --> 00:40:02,153 I'll just move this chalk. 1027 00:40:02,263 --> 00:40:03,187 ABNER: What are you doing? 1028 00:40:03,297 --> 00:40:04,188 Don't. 1029 00:40:04,298 --> 00:40:06,257 And roll it back for you. 1030 00:40:06,367 --> 00:40:10,661 ABNER: Oh, be careful, Ernest. 1031 00:40:10,772 --> 00:40:14,198 (WITH ACCENT) You know, June, I'm sure glad that cobra 1032 00:40:14,308 --> 00:40:15,633 venom didn't zap my strength. 1033 00:40:15,743 --> 00:40:17,268 I don't mind telling you, Ernest, 1034 00:40:17,378 --> 00:40:18,703 that made me a little nervous. 1035 00:40:18,813 --> 00:40:20,838 (WITH ACCENT) Not to worry, Zahib. 1036 00:40:20,948 --> 00:40:24,509 I had complete control of the situation at all times. 1037 00:40:24,619 --> 00:40:26,244 Thanks for shopping with us. 1038 00:40:26,354 --> 00:40:27,512 [creaking] 1039 00:40:27,622 --> 00:40:28,679 It's going to go. 1040 00:40:28,790 --> 00:40:29,413 It's-- 1041 00:40:29,524 --> 00:40:31,015 Hey, I can stop it. 1042 00:40:31,125 --> 00:40:32,583 [laughs] 1043 00:40:34,462 --> 00:40:38,556 [screaming] 1044 00:40:40,034 --> 00:40:43,494 [rumbling] 1045 00:40:46,007 --> 00:40:49,467 [music playing] 1046 00:40:52,446 --> 00:40:53,237 No! 1047 00:40:53,347 --> 00:40:55,239 No! 1048 00:40:55,349 --> 00:40:56,908 [crashing] 1049 00:40:57,018 --> 00:40:57,809 Neat. 1050 00:41:01,923 --> 00:41:05,183 [birds chirping] 1051 00:41:05,293 --> 00:41:08,753 [spy music playing] 1052 00:41:24,612 --> 00:41:27,338 Why didn't I stay at school? 1053 00:41:27,448 --> 00:41:29,540 This is Nan's brand-new car. 1054 00:41:29,650 --> 00:41:31,642 Not anymore. 1055 00:41:31,752 --> 00:41:33,711 But hey, don't sweat it. 1056 00:41:33,821 --> 00:41:36,147 As soon as we get those Crown Jewels out of there, 1057 00:41:36,257 --> 00:41:39,550 we'll just reach around, pluck out a couple of diamonds, 1058 00:41:39,660 --> 00:41:41,586 and you can buy her two new cars. 1059 00:41:41,696 --> 00:41:44,255 Just think of it, his-and-her Humvee's. 1060 00:41:44,365 --> 00:41:46,123 Know what I mean? 1061 00:41:46,234 --> 00:41:48,526 Let's get to work. 1062 00:41:48,636 --> 00:41:50,661 I always wanted a Humvee. 1063 00:41:53,241 --> 00:41:56,801 It looks like there's some leaves and mud and sticks 1064 00:41:56,911 --> 00:41:57,735 and stuff. 1065 00:41:57,845 --> 00:42:00,037 I-- I can't make out exactly what. 1066 00:42:00,147 --> 00:42:01,539 Here. 1067 00:42:01,649 --> 00:42:04,242 Give me a toe up, and I'll kind of scooch in here. 1068 00:42:04,352 --> 00:42:05,376 Yeah. 1069 00:42:05,486 --> 00:42:06,444 How'm I doing? 1070 00:42:06,554 --> 00:42:07,345 ERNEST: Dr. Melon? 1071 00:42:07,455 --> 00:42:08,880 Oh. 1072 00:42:08,990 --> 00:42:10,548 I'm not very good at this toe-hold thing. 1073 00:42:10,658 --> 00:42:11,482 ERNEST: Push, doctor. 1074 00:42:11,592 --> 00:42:12,383 Push. 1075 00:42:12,493 --> 00:42:15,219 [grunting] 1076 00:42:15,329 --> 00:42:16,120 Push. 1077 00:42:16,230 --> 00:42:17,054 OK. 1078 00:42:17,164 --> 00:42:18,055 [grunts] 1079 00:42:18,165 --> 00:42:19,757 ERNEST: Dr. Melon. 1080 00:42:19,867 --> 00:42:21,359 Dr. Melon, I'm stuck! 1081 00:42:21,469 --> 00:42:22,760 Pull me out! 1082 00:42:22,870 --> 00:42:24,729 I-- I could help you if you'd just hold still. 1083 00:42:24,839 --> 00:42:25,529 Ugh! 1084 00:42:25,640 --> 00:42:26,898 ERNEST: Dr. Melon! 1085 00:42:27,008 --> 00:42:27,965 Dr. Melon? 1086 00:42:28,075 --> 00:42:31,569 You can pull me out now if you want to. 1087 00:42:31,679 --> 00:42:32,870 Dr. Melon? 1088 00:42:32,980 --> 00:42:35,072 It's awful cramped in here. 1089 00:42:35,182 --> 00:42:39,243 I wouldn't mind at all if you'd pull me out right now. 1090 00:42:39,353 --> 00:42:40,745 Dr. Melon? 1091 00:42:40,855 --> 00:42:43,514 There might be bugs in here! 1092 00:42:43,624 --> 00:42:45,316 Or vampires! 1093 00:42:45,426 --> 00:42:46,550 Or a dentist! 1094 00:42:46,661 --> 00:42:47,552 Dr. Melon! 1095 00:42:47,662 --> 00:42:48,552 Help! 1096 00:42:48,663 --> 00:42:50,922 [music playing] 1097 00:42:51,032 --> 00:42:53,891 For the very last time, gentlemen, I am not-- repeat-- 1098 00:42:54,001 --> 00:42:57,361 not even a tiny bit interested in buying, renting, or lease 1099 00:42:57,471 --> 00:42:58,763 purchasing a vacuum cleaner. 1100 00:42:58,873 --> 00:43:00,331 - Perhaps that's because-- - --you haven't seen-- 1101 00:43:00,441 --> 00:43:01,232 --all the attachments. 1102 00:43:01,342 --> 00:43:02,500 Some are quite unique. 1103 00:43:02,610 --> 00:43:03,768 Watch the road. 1104 00:43:03,878 --> 00:43:04,735 Now, if you'll just take a look at this, 1105 00:43:04,845 --> 00:43:06,137 I know you'll agree-- 1106 00:43:06,247 --> 00:43:07,405 --that the Mighty Workboy home-cleaning system-- 1107 00:43:07,515 --> 00:43:08,372 --is simply the most versatile-- 1108 00:43:08,482 --> 00:43:09,607 --and the most economical-- 1109 00:43:09,717 --> 00:43:10,641 --as well as the most entertaining-- 1110 00:43:10,751 --> 00:43:11,943 --combination vacuum cleaner-- 1111 00:43:12,053 --> 00:43:13,311 --and video cassette recorder-- 1112 00:43:13,421 --> 00:43:14,545 - --on the market today. - Try one. 1113 00:43:14,655 --> 00:43:15,746 - Ow! - And they're cheap. 1114 00:43:15,856 --> 00:43:16,914 - Try two. - Ow! 1115 00:43:17,024 --> 00:43:18,149 My kids are in private school. 1116 00:43:18,259 --> 00:43:19,216 Shut up and drive. 1117 00:43:19,327 --> 00:43:22,520 We have got to find my husband. 1118 00:43:22,630 --> 00:43:23,654 What's that-- 1119 00:43:23,764 --> 00:43:24,655 --smell? 1120 00:43:24,765 --> 00:43:25,556 Oh, do you like it? 1121 00:43:25,666 --> 00:43:26,824 It's called Night Chill. 1122 00:43:26,934 --> 00:43:28,159 [sniffs] 1123 00:43:28,269 --> 00:43:28,993 BOTH: Very nice. 1124 00:43:29,103 --> 00:43:30,561 - Thank you. - Smells like-- 1125 00:43:30,671 --> 00:43:31,495 --road kill. 1126 00:43:31,606 --> 00:43:35,032 [laughter] 1127 00:43:38,112 --> 00:43:39,370 ERNEST: Help! 1128 00:43:39,480 --> 00:43:40,972 Dr. Melon! 1129 00:43:41,082 --> 00:43:42,340 Pull me out! 1130 00:43:42,450 --> 00:43:45,142 Dr. Melon? 1131 00:43:45,252 --> 00:43:46,344 Dr. Melon? 1132 00:43:46,454 --> 00:43:48,479 ERNEST: I'm real sorry if I got you into hot water 1133 00:43:48,589 --> 00:43:50,247 with that fancy-- - Dr. Glencliff? 1134 00:43:50,358 --> 00:43:51,415 Oh. 1135 00:43:51,525 --> 00:43:52,550 ERNEST: --that mummy was real old. 1136 00:43:52,660 --> 00:43:53,584 And-- 1137 00:43:53,694 --> 00:43:55,286 Oh, what a pleasant surprise. 1138 00:43:55,396 --> 00:43:59,290 As you can see, (LAUGHING) we have located Goliath. 1139 00:43:59,400 --> 00:44:00,458 Huh? 1140 00:44:00,568 --> 00:44:01,959 Dr. Melon? 1141 00:44:02,069 --> 00:44:05,429 Talking to yourself is not a sign of mental stability. 1142 00:44:05,539 --> 00:44:07,565 Oh, Ernest, it's Dr. Glencliff! 1143 00:44:07,675 --> 00:44:08,466 He's here to help us. 1144 00:44:08,576 --> 00:44:10,468 ERNEST: Dr. Melon? 1145 00:44:10,578 --> 00:44:13,270 [grunting] 1146 00:44:13,381 --> 00:44:14,171 Ouch! 1147 00:44:14,281 --> 00:44:15,539 Ouch! 1148 00:44:15,649 --> 00:44:16,540 Oh! 1149 00:44:16,651 --> 00:44:17,541 [grunting] 1150 00:44:17,651 --> 00:44:18,609 Ow! 1151 00:44:18,719 --> 00:44:20,077 He's-- he's stuck, doctor. 1152 00:44:20,187 --> 00:44:22,813 We'll take it to the clinic and cut him out there. 1153 00:44:22,923 --> 00:44:24,315 Well, you can't cut Goliath. 1154 00:44:24,425 --> 00:44:25,583 It's a priceless relic. 1155 00:44:25,693 --> 00:44:28,986 Who said anything about cutting Goliath? 1156 00:44:29,096 --> 00:44:30,054 [laughs] 1157 00:44:30,164 --> 00:44:33,524 Oh, oh, good joke, Dr. Glencliff. 1158 00:44:33,634 --> 00:44:35,526 Humor's a little dark for my taste. 1159 00:44:35,636 --> 00:44:36,927 But as I say, to each his own. 1160 00:44:37,038 --> 00:44:37,628 Huh? 1161 00:44:37,738 --> 00:44:39,263 [laughs] 1162 00:44:39,373 --> 00:44:40,197 I'm laughing. 1163 00:44:40,307 --> 00:44:41,098 See? 1164 00:44:41,208 --> 00:44:42,700 [laughs] 1165 00:44:42,810 --> 00:44:44,368 Oh, you're not joking, are you? 1166 00:44:44,478 --> 00:44:48,272 How else would I get the crown jewels out? 1167 00:44:48,382 --> 00:44:49,473 Put him in the wrecker. 1168 00:44:49,583 --> 00:44:50,374 Hey! 1169 00:44:50,484 --> 00:44:51,609 I warn you! 1170 00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:52,843 I'm skilled in the Oriental discipline. 1171 00:44:52,953 --> 00:44:54,345 ERNEST: Ouch! Help! 1172 00:44:54,455 --> 00:44:55,646 Ow! 1173 00:44:55,756 --> 00:44:57,681 Skipping school like some eighth grader. 1174 00:44:57,792 --> 00:44:58,983 I mean, this theory of-- 1175 00:44:59,093 --> 00:45:00,351 [shrieks] 1176 00:45:00,461 --> 00:45:02,319 My god! 1177 00:45:02,430 --> 00:45:03,220 Oh boy. 1178 00:45:03,330 --> 00:45:04,155 What a shame. 1179 00:45:04,265 --> 00:45:05,122 Totalled. 1180 00:45:05,232 --> 00:45:06,524 - That's what I'd say. - Totalled. 1181 00:45:06,634 --> 00:45:07,591 Complete write off. 1182 00:45:07,702 --> 00:45:08,993 No insurance. 1183 00:45:09,103 --> 00:45:11,195 You know, a good low-mileage car-- 1184 00:45:11,305 --> 00:45:12,196 --like that-- 1185 00:45:12,306 --> 00:45:13,764 - --could probably sell for 25-- - --26-- 1186 00:45:13,874 --> 00:45:14,799 - --thousand-- - --dollars. 1187 00:45:14,909 --> 00:45:15,599 Of course, this one has a few-- 1188 00:45:15,709 --> 00:45:16,634 --glitches. 1189 00:45:16,744 --> 00:45:17,735 But with a little body work-- 1190 00:45:17,845 --> 00:45:18,803 BOTH: Some Bondo-- 1191 00:45:18,913 --> 00:45:19,737 --we could fix it, sure. 1192 00:45:19,847 --> 00:45:20,738 No problem. 1193 00:45:20,848 --> 00:45:25,009 I'm going to kill somebody. 1194 00:45:25,119 --> 00:45:26,944 We sell some really nice guns too. 1195 00:45:27,054 --> 00:45:28,345 And bullets, lots of bullets. 1196 00:45:28,456 --> 00:45:29,547 - Lots of bullets, yeah. - I think they're in the-- 1197 00:45:29,657 --> 00:45:30,581 --trunk. 1198 00:45:30,691 --> 00:45:33,184 Just-- just take me home, OK? 1199 00:45:33,294 --> 00:45:34,118 Your chariot-- 1200 00:45:34,228 --> 00:45:34,885 --awaits. 1201 00:45:34,995 --> 00:45:36,187 I think I'll poison him. 1202 00:45:36,297 --> 00:45:37,288 Mhm. 1203 00:45:37,398 --> 00:45:38,689 ABNER: For Heaven's sake, drive carefully. 1204 00:45:38,799 --> 00:45:39,990 That's a very old cannon. 1205 00:45:40,101 --> 00:45:41,092 GLENCLIFF: Shut up. ERNEST: Watch the curb! 1206 00:45:41,202 --> 00:45:42,293 Watch the curb! 1207 00:45:42,403 --> 00:45:43,961 Ow! 1208 00:45:44,071 --> 00:45:45,463 Boy, when they designed this thing, 1209 00:45:45,573 --> 00:45:48,232 passenger safety wasn't the first thing on their list. 1210 00:45:48,342 --> 00:45:49,133 Ow! 1211 00:45:49,243 --> 00:45:51,469 Let me out! 1212 00:45:51,579 --> 00:45:53,804 Can't stand tight places. 1213 00:45:53,914 --> 00:45:57,708 And I've got claustrophobia too! 1214 00:45:57,818 --> 00:45:59,043 When we get back to the clinic, 1215 00:45:59,153 --> 00:46:02,113 do whatever it takes to get him out of there. 1216 00:46:02,223 --> 00:46:03,347 Doctor-- 1217 00:46:03,457 --> 00:46:05,149 Something unclear? 1218 00:46:05,259 --> 00:46:07,585 What do we do with the leftovers? 1219 00:46:07,695 --> 00:46:10,254 Use the surgical disposal system. 1220 00:46:10,364 --> 00:46:11,622 ERNEST: Watch the bumps. 1221 00:46:11,732 --> 00:46:12,523 Ouch. 1222 00:46:12,633 --> 00:46:13,657 Oh! 1223 00:46:13,767 --> 00:46:15,192 It's getting awful tight in here. 1224 00:46:15,302 --> 00:46:17,461 I sure wish I had started the day 1225 00:46:17,571 --> 00:46:19,730 with a good 24-hour deodorant. 1226 00:46:19,840 --> 00:46:22,533 My armpits are really starting to chafe. 1227 00:46:22,643 --> 00:46:25,803 [grunting] 1228 00:46:25,913 --> 00:46:27,705 Oh, how cute. 1229 00:46:27,815 --> 00:46:28,906 Oh yes. 1230 00:46:29,016 --> 00:46:32,176 Eight beautiful little hairy legs and-- 1231 00:46:32,286 --> 00:46:35,346 200 cute little beady eyes, and-- 1232 00:46:35,456 --> 00:46:36,247 ahh! 1233 00:46:36,357 --> 00:46:39,283 [music playing] 1234 00:46:40,327 --> 00:46:43,554 [grunting] 1235 00:46:45,733 --> 00:46:46,524 Ow! 1236 00:46:50,271 --> 00:46:50,861 Hit him. 1237 00:46:50,971 --> 00:46:52,062 [tires squeal] 1238 00:46:53,941 --> 00:46:56,000 [screams] 1239 00:46:57,878 --> 00:46:59,236 [groans] 1240 00:47:00,080 --> 00:47:00,905 You didn't do the job! 1241 00:47:01,015 --> 00:47:01,806 Put it in reverse! 1242 00:47:01,916 --> 00:47:03,007 [tires squeal] 1243 00:47:04,919 --> 00:47:06,811 Catch the idiot! 1244 00:47:06,921 --> 00:47:08,746 [music playing] 1245 00:47:08,856 --> 00:47:09,747 Run, Ernest! 1246 00:47:09,857 --> 00:47:10,848 Run! 1247 00:47:13,160 --> 00:47:14,552 THUG: Come-- get back here! 1248 00:47:14,662 --> 00:47:16,053 - Oh! - Oh! 1249 00:47:16,163 --> 00:47:16,820 See-- 1250 00:47:16,931 --> 00:47:20,324 [music playing] 1251 00:47:25,439 --> 00:47:26,263 Hey! 1252 00:47:26,373 --> 00:47:28,732 Hey! 1253 00:47:28,843 --> 00:47:29,700 Don't! - Left. 1254 00:47:29,810 --> 00:47:30,701 - Hey! - No. 1255 00:47:30,811 --> 00:47:31,702 No. No. 1256 00:47:31,812 --> 00:47:32,703 Right. - Don't. 1257 00:47:32,813 --> 00:47:33,704 Come on! - No. 1258 00:47:33,814 --> 00:47:34,672 Gotcha! [boink] 1259 00:47:34,782 --> 00:47:35,606 Ah. 1260 00:47:35,716 --> 00:47:36,507 Ah! 1261 00:47:36,617 --> 00:47:39,577 [music playing] 1262 00:47:50,030 --> 00:47:52,923 Young man, do you realize you're trespassing 1263 00:47:53,033 --> 00:47:55,159 on private property? 1264 00:47:55,269 --> 00:47:57,828 Look, lady, did you see a goopy guy in a brown hat? 1265 00:47:57,938 --> 00:47:59,363 No respect. 1266 00:47:59,473 --> 00:48:01,932 That's the trouble with young people today. 1267 00:48:02,042 --> 00:48:04,201 They have no respect for their elders. 1268 00:48:04,311 --> 00:48:07,004 You're just like my second son, Jaime. 1269 00:48:07,114 --> 00:48:08,906 I had to teach him manners. 1270 00:48:09,016 --> 00:48:09,974 He's dead now. 1271 00:48:10,084 --> 00:48:12,243 Listen, you old bag, you tell me 1272 00:48:12,353 --> 00:48:14,812 where the goofball is right now, or somebody's 1273 00:48:14,922 --> 00:48:15,846 going to get hurt. 1274 00:48:15,956 --> 00:48:18,215 Well, aren't we being testy? 1275 00:48:18,325 --> 00:48:21,619 I suspect we don't have enough bran in our diet. 1276 00:48:21,729 --> 00:48:24,521 Oh, is that a .44? 1277 00:48:24,632 --> 00:48:26,490 Ugh! 1278 00:48:26,600 --> 00:48:27,524 Looks just like Jaime. 1279 00:48:31,839 --> 00:48:35,232 [creaking] 1280 00:48:36,910 --> 00:48:38,068 ABNER: You don't honestly believe you're 1281 00:48:38,178 --> 00:48:39,470 going to get away with this? 1282 00:48:39,580 --> 00:48:41,672 You must realize they have very effective statutes 1283 00:48:41,782 --> 00:48:43,974 and criminal penalties in order to combat the theft 1284 00:48:44,084 --> 00:48:45,409 of historical antiquities. 1285 00:48:45,519 --> 00:48:48,212 And furthermore, young man, may I be so bold to say, 1286 00:48:48,322 --> 00:48:50,014 I think you'd have more control of your life 1287 00:48:50,124 --> 00:48:52,182 if you had a proper post-secondary education. 1288 00:48:52,293 --> 00:48:52,916 Ugh! 1289 00:48:53,027 --> 00:48:55,152 [music playing] 1290 00:48:55,262 --> 00:48:57,821 ERNEST: Using his Olympic-trained legs, 1291 00:48:57,932 --> 00:49:00,391 Indy rockets to the Professor's rescue. 1292 00:49:00,501 --> 00:49:03,594 [music playing] 1293 00:49:06,907 --> 00:49:07,998 Hang on, Dr. Melon! 1294 00:49:08,108 --> 00:49:09,967 I'm coming! 1295 00:49:10,077 --> 00:49:13,537 [music playing] 1296 00:49:21,755 --> 00:49:23,547 (BRITISH ACCENT) Stop in the name of the Sheriff 1297 00:49:23,657 --> 00:49:24,581 of Nottingham! 1298 00:49:24,692 --> 00:49:27,084 Or be issued a sound thrashing! 1299 00:49:27,194 --> 00:49:30,621 [engine roaring] 1300 00:49:33,033 --> 00:49:34,925 [screaming] 1301 00:49:35,035 --> 00:49:36,427 [thud] 1302 00:49:36,537 --> 00:49:37,394 Hey, no fair! 1303 00:49:37,504 --> 00:49:38,529 You hit Ernest! 1304 00:49:38,639 --> 00:49:39,463 Ya! 1305 00:49:39,573 --> 00:49:40,464 Oh! Ow. 1306 00:49:40,574 --> 00:49:41,398 Oh! 1307 00:49:41,508 --> 00:49:42,333 Ugh! 1308 00:49:44,878 --> 00:49:48,339 [music playing] 1309 00:49:48,449 --> 00:49:51,709 [grunting] 1310 00:50:00,327 --> 00:50:01,218 [groans] 1311 00:50:05,699 --> 00:50:06,857 Dr. Melon? 1312 00:50:06,967 --> 00:50:07,791 Wake up! 1313 00:50:07,901 --> 00:50:08,992 It's me, Ernest. 1314 00:50:09,103 --> 00:50:13,364 I'm one of the new boys on the hood. 1315 00:50:13,474 --> 00:50:14,198 Wake up! 1316 00:50:14,308 --> 00:50:16,700 This is no time for taking naps! 1317 00:50:16,810 --> 00:50:17,668 Dr. Melon! 1318 00:50:17,778 --> 00:50:20,037 Please! 1319 00:50:20,147 --> 00:50:22,973 Dr. Melon! 1320 00:50:23,083 --> 00:50:24,942 [tires squealing] 1321 00:50:25,052 --> 00:50:25,909 Ow! 1322 00:50:26,019 --> 00:50:26,910 [grunting] 1323 00:50:27,020 --> 00:50:27,878 Ow! 1324 00:50:27,988 --> 00:50:29,847 THUG: Come on. 1325 00:50:29,957 --> 00:50:30,981 What's going on up there? 1326 00:50:31,091 --> 00:50:32,016 He's going to throw the cannon. 1327 00:50:32,126 --> 00:50:36,587 [tires squealing] 1328 00:50:36,697 --> 00:50:39,556 Whoa! 1329 00:50:39,666 --> 00:50:41,925 [grunting] 1330 00:50:42,035 --> 00:50:43,927 THUG: Doesn't that guy ever give up? 1331 00:50:44,037 --> 00:50:45,763 [grunts] 1332 00:50:45,873 --> 00:50:47,364 I'll show you. 1333 00:50:47,474 --> 00:50:48,632 [grunting] 1334 00:50:48,742 --> 00:50:49,566 ERNEST: Ow! 1335 00:50:49,676 --> 00:50:53,070 THUG: Get off my truck! 1336 00:50:53,180 --> 00:50:56,306 [grunting] 1337 00:50:57,384 --> 00:50:59,977 Oh, how about a public works enema? 1338 00:51:00,087 --> 00:51:01,345 [screams] 1339 00:51:01,455 --> 00:51:02,146 Hold on! 1340 00:51:02,256 --> 00:51:03,747 How did he catch up to us? 1341 00:51:03,857 --> 00:51:05,015 This is ridiculous! 1342 00:51:05,125 --> 00:51:05,916 No! 1343 00:51:06,026 --> 00:51:07,351 Not the cones! Ow! 1344 00:51:07,461 --> 00:51:08,085 Ow! 1345 00:51:08,195 --> 00:51:08,986 THUG: Take that! 1346 00:51:09,096 --> 00:51:10,254 Ow! 1347 00:51:10,364 --> 00:51:11,255 Ow! 1348 00:51:11,365 --> 00:51:12,022 Ow! 1349 00:51:12,132 --> 00:51:13,023 Ah! 1350 00:51:13,133 --> 00:51:14,625 [screams] 1351 00:51:18,172 --> 00:51:18,962 Ernest! 1352 00:51:19,073 --> 00:51:19,897 Whoa! 1353 00:51:20,007 --> 00:51:20,931 THUG: Stupid redneck! 1354 00:51:21,041 --> 00:51:22,666 Must have Stick-Em on his hands. 1355 00:51:22,776 --> 00:51:26,103 [grunting] 1356 00:51:28,715 --> 00:51:31,575 Let go of my set! 1357 00:51:31,685 --> 00:51:32,543 Ah! 1358 00:51:32,653 --> 00:51:34,144 [grunting] 1359 00:51:34,254 --> 00:51:35,045 THUG: Let go of me! 1360 00:51:35,155 --> 00:51:36,413 Let go of me! 1361 00:51:36,523 --> 00:51:37,781 [grunting] 1362 00:51:37,891 --> 00:51:39,349 [screams] 1363 00:51:40,828 --> 00:51:42,119 [laughs] 1364 00:51:42,229 --> 00:51:43,687 Just shoot him! 1365 00:51:47,568 --> 00:51:48,425 Real bullets! 1366 00:51:48,535 --> 00:51:49,893 They're shooting real bullets at us! 1367 00:51:50,003 --> 00:51:51,595 Be a moving target, Dr. Melon. 1368 00:51:51,705 --> 00:51:52,729 Be a moving target. 1369 00:51:52,840 --> 00:51:53,931 Nobody's driving the truck! 1370 00:51:54,041 --> 00:51:54,932 I can't help that. 1371 00:51:55,042 --> 00:51:56,033 Let's get to the cannon. 1372 00:51:56,143 --> 00:51:57,267 But the trucks' out of control! 1373 00:51:57,377 --> 00:51:59,136 Welcome to my world! 1374 00:51:59,246 --> 00:52:00,671 - Let's be sensible! - No. 1375 00:52:00,781 --> 00:52:01,572 Let's stay alive. 1376 00:52:01,682 --> 00:52:03,340 [bullets zinging] 1377 00:52:03,450 --> 00:52:04,908 ABNER: Ooh, ah, ah, ooh. Moving target. 1378 00:52:05,018 --> 00:52:06,043 Moving target. Ernest? 1379 00:52:06,153 --> 00:52:06,944 Ah! 1380 00:52:07,054 --> 00:52:08,278 Where are you going? 1381 00:52:08,388 --> 00:52:11,782 Those cretins are trying to get on Goliath. 1382 00:52:11,892 --> 00:52:12,783 Ah! 1383 00:52:12,893 --> 00:52:13,784 ERNEST: Dr. Melon? 1384 00:52:13,894 --> 00:52:15,586 I'm going to pull the pin. 1385 00:52:15,696 --> 00:52:18,388 That's a good way to lose a finger, Ernest. 1386 00:52:18,499 --> 00:52:19,790 [grunts] 1387 00:52:20,868 --> 00:52:21,758 ERNEST: Uh-oh. 1388 00:52:21,869 --> 00:52:23,160 ABNER: Ernest! 1389 00:52:23,270 --> 00:52:24,862 Jump to the cannon! 1390 00:52:24,972 --> 00:52:25,762 Jump! 1391 00:52:25,873 --> 00:52:27,764 [bullets zinging] 1392 00:52:27,875 --> 00:52:28,832 Ah! 1393 00:52:28,942 --> 00:52:29,766 [grunts] 1394 00:52:31,879 --> 00:52:33,370 Come on, jump, Dr. Melon! 1395 00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:34,371 Jump! 1396 00:52:34,481 --> 00:52:35,205 No, no! 1397 00:52:35,315 --> 00:52:36,640 To the cannon! to the cannon! 1398 00:52:36,750 --> 00:52:37,374 Are you crazy? 1399 00:52:37,484 --> 00:52:38,542 That must be 13 feet! 1400 00:52:38,652 --> 00:52:39,910 This is no time to be superstitious! 1401 00:52:40,020 --> 00:52:40,811 Jump! 1402 00:52:40,921 --> 00:52:41,812 I-- I can't! 1403 00:52:41,922 --> 00:52:42,713 [gunshot] 1404 00:52:43,757 --> 00:52:45,782 Take my hand! 1405 00:52:45,893 --> 00:52:48,785 [grunting] 1406 00:52:48,896 --> 00:52:50,287 I can't! I don't jump! 1407 00:52:50,397 --> 00:52:51,188 I teach history! 1408 00:52:51,298 --> 00:52:52,656 I'm a history professor! 1409 00:52:52,766 --> 00:52:55,325 Just goes to show you, history won't keep you alive! 1410 00:52:55,435 --> 00:52:58,195 Now, jump! - I can't, Ernest! 1411 00:52:58,305 --> 00:53:01,798 I just can't do it! 1412 00:53:01,909 --> 00:53:02,733 Oh-- 1413 00:53:02,843 --> 00:53:06,270 [music playing] 1414 00:53:12,653 --> 00:53:15,012 Dr. Melon! 1415 00:53:15,122 --> 00:53:16,413 Dr. Melon! 1416 00:53:16,523 --> 00:53:17,114 Jump! 1417 00:53:17,224 --> 00:53:18,382 I can't do it! 1418 00:53:18,492 --> 00:53:19,283 Ah! 1419 00:53:28,068 --> 00:53:29,927 [laughs] 1420 00:53:30,037 --> 00:53:32,696 Well, safe at last. 1421 00:53:32,806 --> 00:53:33,730 I'm off of this thing. 1422 00:53:38,045 --> 00:53:39,636 I knew it was too good to be true! 1423 00:53:39,746 --> 00:53:40,637 Oh! 1424 00:53:40,747 --> 00:53:44,007 [music playing] 1425 00:53:46,486 --> 00:53:47,978 He's on my cannon! 1426 00:53:48,088 --> 00:53:50,948 [groaning] 1427 00:53:53,026 --> 00:53:54,518 [screams] 1428 00:53:54,628 --> 00:53:55,319 [screams] 1429 00:53:55,429 --> 00:54:00,857 [music playing] 1430 00:54:00,968 --> 00:54:01,858 GLENCLIFF: Follow him! 1431 00:54:01,969 --> 00:54:02,859 Follow him! 1432 00:54:02,970 --> 00:54:09,800 [music playing] 1433 00:54:09,910 --> 00:54:11,768 Ernest! 1434 00:54:11,878 --> 00:54:14,037 I jumped! 1435 00:54:14,147 --> 00:54:14,938 Wait up! 1436 00:54:15,048 --> 00:54:16,440 I'm coming! 1437 00:54:16,550 --> 00:54:17,541 FRANK: Year of the Woman. 1438 00:54:17,651 --> 00:54:19,109 It's enough to make you sick-- 1439 00:54:19,219 --> 00:54:20,611 --to your stomach. 1440 00:54:20,721 --> 00:54:23,413 Look, lady, we can't be driving you all over town 1441 00:54:23,523 --> 00:54:25,449 just because you think we're your personal chauffeurs 1442 00:54:25,559 --> 00:54:26,650 or something. - Or something. 1443 00:54:26,760 --> 00:54:28,051 - We got our territory. - Our territor-- 1444 00:54:28,161 --> 00:54:29,052 Yeah. 1445 00:54:29,162 --> 00:54:30,621 Stuff your territory. 1446 00:54:30,731 --> 00:54:31,555 No! 1447 00:54:31,665 --> 00:54:32,289 Don't! 1448 00:54:32,399 --> 00:54:34,891 Hey, hey, hey! 1449 00:54:35,002 --> 00:54:35,959 [sighs] 1450 00:54:36,970 --> 00:54:37,861 Too much-- 1451 00:54:37,971 --> 00:54:39,262 --coffee. 1452 00:54:39,373 --> 00:54:40,330 BOTH: Oh well. 1453 00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:41,231 Let's go. 1454 00:54:41,341 --> 00:54:42,232 Oh! 1455 00:54:42,342 --> 00:54:43,200 Ah! 1456 00:54:43,310 --> 00:54:45,202 Left! 1457 00:54:45,312 --> 00:54:47,738 Help! 1458 00:54:47,848 --> 00:54:48,739 Whoa! 1459 00:54:48,849 --> 00:54:49,740 Whoa! 1460 00:54:49,850 --> 00:54:50,707 Yee-haw! 1461 00:54:50,817 --> 00:54:54,077 [chatter] 1462 00:55:02,562 --> 00:55:04,288 Let's go, honey. We're going to be late. 1463 00:55:04,398 --> 00:55:07,491 [chatter] 1464 00:55:08,435 --> 00:55:11,795 WOMAN: It's so good to see you. 1465 00:55:11,905 --> 00:55:15,198 [rumbling] 1466 00:55:15,308 --> 00:55:18,602 [screaming] 1467 00:55:18,712 --> 00:55:20,203 ERNEST: Get out of the way! 1468 00:55:20,314 --> 00:55:21,805 I don't want to kill anybody! 1469 00:55:21,915 --> 00:55:23,807 Not even that bad mime! 1470 00:55:23,917 --> 00:55:24,808 Watch out! 1471 00:55:24,918 --> 00:55:25,776 Get out of the way! 1472 00:55:25,886 --> 00:55:26,810 Oh. 1473 00:55:26,920 --> 00:55:28,178 ERNEST: You badly-dressed women, move! 1474 00:55:28,288 --> 00:55:30,280 [screaming] 1475 00:55:30,390 --> 00:55:31,181 Mayday! 1476 00:55:31,291 --> 00:55:32,149 Mayday! 1477 00:55:32,259 --> 00:55:33,784 Can't control this thing! 1478 00:55:33,894 --> 00:55:35,185 Get out of the way! 1479 00:55:35,295 --> 00:55:38,789 [screaming] 1480 00:55:41,668 --> 00:55:43,160 Watch out! Stop! 1481 00:55:43,270 --> 00:55:44,161 Get out of the way! 1482 00:55:44,271 --> 00:55:45,762 Watch out! 1483 00:55:45,872 --> 00:55:49,366 [shouting] 1484 00:55:51,678 --> 00:55:53,737 Get out of the way! 1485 00:55:53,847 --> 00:55:54,738 [screaming] 1486 00:55:54,848 --> 00:55:57,140 Sticker bushes! 1487 00:55:57,250 --> 00:55:58,141 Ow. 1488 00:55:58,251 --> 00:56:00,143 MAN: I can't believe this. 1489 00:56:00,253 --> 00:56:02,145 [wincing] 1490 00:56:02,255 --> 00:56:04,748 Ow. 1491 00:56:04,858 --> 00:56:05,682 Look, lady-- 1492 00:56:05,792 --> 00:56:07,017 - --we have to go. - We're late. 1493 00:56:07,127 --> 00:56:08,285 Since it doesn't look like you're going to-- 1494 00:56:08,395 --> 00:56:09,319 BOTH: --buy anything-- 1495 00:56:09,429 --> 00:56:10,253 --we'll just be-- 1496 00:56:10,363 --> 00:56:11,455 --on our way. 1497 00:56:11,565 --> 00:56:12,889 You two will do exactly as you are to-- 1498 00:56:12,999 --> 00:56:16,460 [spy music playing] 1499 00:56:17,337 --> 00:56:19,362 Excuse me. 1500 00:56:19,473 --> 00:56:20,497 Who are you? 1501 00:56:20,607 --> 00:56:22,566 And what are you doing in my house? 1502 00:56:22,676 --> 00:56:23,967 Sorry to impose, madam. 1503 00:56:24,077 --> 00:56:25,902 But we are here to inquire as to the whereabouts 1504 00:56:26,012 --> 00:56:28,538 of your husband, Dr. Abner T. Melon. 1505 00:56:28,648 --> 00:56:30,941 You are Mrs. Melon, I presume? 1506 00:56:31,051 --> 00:56:32,275 Who wants to know? 1507 00:56:32,385 --> 00:56:34,711 Madam, it is imperative we know where your husband is. 1508 00:56:34,821 --> 00:56:39,316 The severity of the situation is beyond your imagination. 1509 00:56:39,426 --> 00:56:42,152 You're not from around here, are you? 1510 00:56:42,262 --> 00:56:44,788 You're from-- England, aren't you? 1511 00:56:44,898 --> 00:56:45,689 JOE: English-- 1512 00:56:45,799 --> 00:56:46,423 --big-- 1513 00:56:46,533 --> 00:56:48,225 --spender. 1514 00:56:48,335 --> 00:56:50,894 So Abner was right. 1515 00:56:51,004 --> 00:56:52,963 That tedious story of the Crown Jewels getting stolen is true, 1516 00:56:53,073 --> 00:56:54,498 or the British government (BRITISH ACCENT) 1517 00:56:54,608 --> 00:56:57,134 would not be so interested, what? 1518 00:56:57,244 --> 00:56:59,002 - Jewels? - The Crown-- 1519 00:56:59,112 --> 00:56:59,936 --Jewels. 1520 00:57:00,046 --> 00:57:02,005 [ernest screaming] 1521 00:57:02,115 --> 00:57:03,039 ABNER: Ernest! 1522 00:57:03,150 --> 00:57:04,074 Look out for the neighbor's cat! 1523 00:57:04,184 --> 00:57:05,008 [cat snarls] 1524 00:57:05,118 --> 00:57:06,376 Abner? 1525 00:57:06,486 --> 00:57:08,979 Let's roll. 1526 00:57:09,089 --> 00:57:10,347 [laughter] 1527 00:57:10,457 --> 00:57:12,315 [music playing] 1528 00:57:12,425 --> 00:57:13,917 [ernest screams] 1529 00:57:17,397 --> 00:57:19,256 Come on, Dr. Melon! 1530 00:57:19,366 --> 00:57:20,257 Come on! 1531 00:57:20,367 --> 00:57:21,258 You got the brains! 1532 00:57:21,368 --> 00:57:22,225 Get me off of this! 1533 00:57:22,335 --> 00:57:24,227 Come on, Dr. Melon! 1534 00:57:28,275 --> 00:57:29,166 [engine revs] 1535 00:57:31,278 --> 00:57:33,136 Wait for me, Ernest! 1536 00:57:33,246 --> 00:57:34,738 I'm coming! 1537 00:57:34,848 --> 00:57:38,074 [chatter] 1538 00:58:02,309 --> 00:58:04,100 Move on. 1539 00:58:04,211 --> 00:58:05,469 Starboard! 1540 00:58:05,579 --> 00:58:07,471 Leeward! 1541 00:58:07,581 --> 00:58:08,471 Edward! 1542 00:58:08,582 --> 00:58:10,040 Anybody! 1543 00:58:10,150 --> 00:58:13,043 Oh. 1544 00:58:13,153 --> 00:58:14,010 Whoa! 1545 00:58:14,120 --> 00:58:14,945 No! 1546 00:58:19,092 --> 00:58:20,250 Call Marabone. 1547 00:58:20,360 --> 00:58:21,351 Tell him we've seen Goliath. 1548 00:58:21,461 --> 00:58:22,352 - Yes, sir. - Get in. 1549 00:58:22,462 --> 00:58:23,620 Get in. Get in. 1550 00:58:23,730 --> 00:58:24,988 We have to save those Crown Jewels. 1551 00:58:25,098 --> 00:58:26,590 And you know, of course, my darling husband. 1552 00:58:26,700 --> 00:58:28,225 - Whoa-- - Ho-ho. 1553 00:58:28,335 --> 00:58:29,626 - Whose car is this? - Whose car? 1554 00:58:29,736 --> 00:58:31,494 - Is it stolen? - Oh, it's not stolen. 1555 00:58:31,605 --> 00:58:33,163 - Or swiped. - So it's yours. 1556 00:58:33,273 --> 00:58:34,164 - Lock-- - --stock-- 1557 00:58:34,274 --> 00:58:35,398 --and barrel. It's ours. 1558 00:58:35,508 --> 00:58:36,333 - Ours. - Ours. 1559 00:58:36,443 --> 00:58:37,634 - Ours. - Well, good. 1560 00:58:37,744 --> 00:58:38,902 I'm glad we established that. Now, get in. 1561 00:58:39,012 --> 00:58:39,970 Ah. 1562 00:58:40,080 --> 00:58:41,204 You said something earlier about jewels? 1563 00:58:41,314 --> 00:58:42,072 - The Crown-- - --Jewels? 1564 00:58:42,182 --> 00:58:43,673 So? 1565 00:58:43,783 --> 00:58:47,010 Unless you agree to give us a cut of whatever you get, 1566 00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:48,812 we're not moving an inch. - Not one inch. 1567 00:58:48,922 --> 00:58:49,512 Not one. 1568 00:58:49,623 --> 00:58:50,680 Not one. 1569 00:58:50,790 --> 00:58:53,016 Gentleman, that is blackmail. 1570 00:58:53,126 --> 00:58:54,150 [laughter] 1571 00:58:54,261 --> 00:58:55,051 You got-- 1572 00:58:55,161 --> 00:58:56,019 --that right. 1573 00:58:56,129 --> 00:58:57,053 A federal offense. 1574 00:58:57,163 --> 00:58:58,088 In most states. 1575 00:58:58,198 --> 00:58:59,656 But we suggest that you think about-- 1576 00:58:59,766 --> 00:59:01,224 - Think about how far-- - --you'll get-- 1577 00:59:01,334 --> 00:59:02,325 --on foot. 1578 00:59:02,435 --> 00:59:03,560 Shanks' mare. - Hoofing it. 1579 00:59:03,670 --> 00:59:04,561 [laughter] 1580 00:59:04,671 --> 00:59:06,029 - All right, 10%? - 25-- 1581 00:59:06,139 --> 00:59:06,796 Would be better. 1582 00:59:06,907 --> 00:59:07,931 Oh, I think I said, 10. 1583 00:59:08,041 --> 00:59:08,832 Ah, OK! 1584 00:59:08,942 --> 00:59:10,166 OK! 1585 00:59:10,277 --> 00:59:11,201 15! 1586 00:59:11,311 --> 00:59:12,469 Or Frank here swallows the keys. 1587 00:59:12,579 --> 00:59:13,770 I've seen him do it at parties. 1588 00:59:13,880 --> 00:59:16,539 Uh-huh. 1589 00:59:16,650 --> 00:59:18,108 [crying] 1590 00:59:18,218 --> 00:59:19,509 Sorry, guys. 1591 00:59:19,619 --> 00:59:20,577 Sorry. 1592 00:59:20,687 --> 00:59:22,512 I mean, I'm just so stressed out. 1593 00:59:22,622 --> 00:59:24,814 I just-- Abner and-- 1594 00:59:24,925 --> 00:59:25,782 sorry. 1595 00:59:25,892 --> 00:59:27,851 Oh, OK. 1596 00:59:27,961 --> 00:59:29,753 OK. 1597 00:59:29,863 --> 00:59:31,187 BOTH: 12. - Done. 1598 00:59:31,298 --> 00:59:32,122 Get in. 1599 00:59:32,232 --> 00:59:33,023 Hey! 1600 00:59:33,133 --> 00:59:34,391 Ah, deal's a deal. 1601 00:59:34,501 --> 00:59:35,325 What a witch. 1602 00:59:35,435 --> 00:59:36,293 I think I'm in love. 1603 00:59:41,741 --> 00:59:44,801 [music playing] 1604 00:59:44,911 --> 00:59:47,170 Ernest! 1605 00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:48,571 Over here! 1606 00:59:48,682 --> 00:59:51,141 Dr. Melon! 1607 00:59:51,251 --> 00:59:53,109 Jump the ditch! 1608 00:59:53,219 --> 00:59:53,910 I don't jump! 1609 00:59:54,020 --> 00:59:55,512 I thought I told you that! 1610 00:59:55,622 --> 00:59:58,481 I'll try to find a crossroad! 1611 00:59:58,591 --> 01:00:02,052 [music playing] 1612 01:00:04,531 --> 01:00:06,389 Doesn't this feel fine? 1613 01:00:06,499 --> 01:00:11,027 Getting away from all the smog and crime and violence? 1614 01:00:11,137 --> 01:00:13,530 Can't believe we didn't do it earlier. 1615 01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:17,133 [music playing] 1616 01:00:18,211 --> 01:00:20,103 Oh, these thorns hurt. 1617 01:00:20,213 --> 01:00:21,104 Ow. 1618 01:00:21,214 --> 01:00:22,105 Ow. 1619 01:00:22,215 --> 01:00:23,106 Ow. 1620 01:00:23,216 --> 01:00:24,107 Ow. 1621 01:00:24,217 --> 01:00:25,108 Ow. 1622 01:00:25,218 --> 01:00:27,844 Life is so serene on the open road. 1623 01:00:27,954 --> 01:00:28,778 Amen. 1624 01:00:31,624 --> 01:00:35,018 [music playing] 1625 01:00:38,264 --> 01:00:40,323 What's that? 1626 01:00:40,433 --> 01:00:41,291 No! 1627 01:00:41,401 --> 01:00:43,326 Come on, turn! 1628 01:00:43,436 --> 01:00:44,227 Help. 1629 01:00:44,337 --> 01:00:45,395 Ah. 1630 01:00:45,505 --> 01:00:47,697 It's some sort of alien spaceship. 1631 01:00:47,807 --> 01:00:49,966 It's no alien spaceship. 1632 01:00:50,076 --> 01:00:50,967 It is. 1633 01:00:51,077 --> 01:00:54,170 [grunting] 1634 01:00:54,280 --> 01:00:57,841 This must have been what it was like before power steering. 1635 01:00:57,951 --> 01:00:59,743 It's some kind of advertising. 1636 01:00:59,853 --> 01:01:01,344 No, it's in our lane. 1637 01:01:01,454 --> 01:01:02,312 It's not an advertisement. 1638 01:01:02,422 --> 01:01:03,513 Put your blinker on. 1639 01:01:03,623 --> 01:01:04,414 What do you mean, put my blinker on? 1640 01:01:04,524 --> 01:01:05,315 Put your blinker on. 1641 01:01:05,425 --> 01:01:08,918 [grunting] 1642 01:01:09,763 --> 01:01:11,287 Uh-- uh-- uh-- 1643 01:01:11,398 --> 01:01:12,255 Brake! Brake! 1644 01:01:12,365 --> 01:01:13,256 Brake! - I'm braking! 1645 01:01:13,366 --> 01:01:14,157 I'm trying! 1646 01:01:14,267 --> 01:01:15,158 Brake! 1647 01:01:15,268 --> 01:01:18,461 [screaming] 1648 01:01:22,909 --> 01:01:25,935 Sorry to bust in on you folks like this! 1649 01:01:26,046 --> 01:01:26,770 Whoa! 1650 01:01:26,880 --> 01:01:28,772 It's one of those carjackings! 1651 01:01:28,882 --> 01:01:30,273 Don't shoot! 1652 01:01:30,383 --> 01:01:31,274 Don't shoot! 1653 01:01:31,384 --> 01:01:34,277 [rumbling] 1654 01:01:39,559 --> 01:01:43,653 WOMAN: Stop pushing us or we'll be forced to do something ugly! 1655 01:01:43,763 --> 01:01:44,921 Do something, Frank! 1656 01:01:45,031 --> 01:01:46,122 Frank! 1657 01:01:46,232 --> 01:01:47,724 FRANK T: Just what exactly would you have me do?! 1658 01:01:47,834 --> 01:01:48,658 Let's go. 1659 01:01:48,768 --> 01:01:49,559 We'll cut 'em off. 1660 01:01:49,669 --> 01:01:52,629 [music playing] 1661 01:01:52,739 --> 01:01:55,632 Believe me, folks, this wasn't my idea! 1662 01:01:55,742 --> 01:01:57,600 Whip it with the rod, Frank! 1663 01:01:57,711 --> 01:01:59,602 I'll get the bug juice! 1664 01:01:59,712 --> 01:02:00,603 All right! 1665 01:02:00,713 --> 01:02:01,704 WOMAN: Go on, Frank! 1666 01:02:01,815 --> 01:02:02,605 Cast away! 1667 01:02:02,715 --> 01:02:03,606 Get him! 1668 01:02:03,716 --> 01:02:05,141 Oh! Cast! 1669 01:02:05,251 --> 01:02:06,109 Go, Frank! 1670 01:02:06,219 --> 01:02:08,344 I'll teach you to knick my camper. 1671 01:02:08,455 --> 01:02:09,446 WOMAN: Go on! - Gotcha! 1672 01:02:09,556 --> 01:02:10,847 Ow! WOMAN: You got him, Frank! 1673 01:02:10,957 --> 01:02:12,082 No reel him in! - Ow! 1674 01:02:12,192 --> 01:02:13,750 WOMAN: Come on! - Catch and release! 1675 01:02:13,860 --> 01:02:15,018 WOMAN: Reel him in, Frank! 1676 01:02:15,128 --> 01:02:17,654 Let go of my camper, you car jacker! 1677 01:02:17,764 --> 01:02:19,289 Take that, you highway man! 1678 01:02:19,399 --> 01:02:20,223 ERNEST: Don't, lady! 1679 01:02:20,333 --> 01:02:21,124 Don't! 1680 01:02:21,234 --> 01:02:23,393 [coughing] 1681 01:02:24,537 --> 01:02:25,595 WOMAN: You're dead meat, buddy! 1682 01:02:25,705 --> 01:02:27,197 ERNEST: Ow! Ow! 1683 01:02:27,307 --> 01:02:28,198 Ouch! 1684 01:02:28,308 --> 01:02:29,666 [groaning] 1685 01:02:29,776 --> 01:02:30,700 Ow! 1686 01:02:30,810 --> 01:02:32,302 Don't you use Marvelous hooks? 1687 01:02:32,412 --> 01:02:33,503 Ow! 1688 01:02:33,613 --> 01:02:35,572 All right, plow into the back of that cannon now. 1689 01:02:35,682 --> 01:02:36,940 - But there's a man-- - --on that-- 1690 01:02:37,050 --> 01:02:38,007 - --cannon. - Yeah, I can see that! 1691 01:02:38,118 --> 01:02:39,375 Do it! - Think of the danger. 1692 01:02:39,486 --> 01:02:40,310 Think of the horror. 1693 01:02:40,420 --> 01:02:41,244 Think of the humanity. 1694 01:02:41,354 --> 01:02:42,412 Think of the jewels. 1695 01:02:42,522 --> 01:02:45,748 BOTH: He'll live. 1696 01:02:45,859 --> 01:02:47,717 WOMAN: He's tiring, Frank! 1697 01:02:47,827 --> 01:02:49,285 He's laying on his side! 1698 01:02:49,395 --> 01:02:50,286 Reel him in, baby! 1699 01:02:50,396 --> 01:02:51,654 Ow! 1700 01:02:51,764 --> 01:02:53,056 Stand your ground, men. 1701 01:02:53,166 --> 01:02:56,426 Only fire if they don't stop. 1702 01:02:56,536 --> 01:02:58,394 Fire! 1703 01:02:58,505 --> 01:02:59,395 Stop, Frank! 1704 01:02:59,506 --> 01:03:01,164 His gang is shooting at us! 1705 01:03:01,274 --> 01:03:04,334 If we go down, this one's going with us! 1706 01:03:04,444 --> 01:03:05,335 Ow! 1707 01:03:05,445 --> 01:03:08,905 [music playing] 1708 01:03:12,452 --> 01:03:13,243 Run! 1709 01:03:13,353 --> 01:03:16,613 Get out of the way! 1710 01:03:16,723 --> 01:03:18,581 A diversion? 1711 01:03:18,691 --> 01:03:20,583 A demonstration. 1712 01:03:20,693 --> 01:03:23,686 BOTH: --the bug fogger! 1713 01:03:23,796 --> 01:03:25,421 Three, two, one. 1714 01:03:25,532 --> 01:03:26,789 Works every time. 1715 01:03:26,900 --> 01:03:28,358 [laughter] 1716 01:03:28,468 --> 01:03:31,294 [coughing] 1717 01:03:36,676 --> 01:03:37,934 WOMAN: He's still on! 1718 01:03:38,044 --> 01:03:39,202 Get that hook in deeper, Frank! 1719 01:03:39,312 --> 01:03:40,036 [grunting] 1720 01:03:40,146 --> 01:03:41,371 FRANK T: Let go of my camper! 1721 01:03:41,481 --> 01:03:42,305 Stop! 1722 01:03:42,415 --> 01:03:43,606 Try to swing him off now, Frank! 1723 01:03:43,716 --> 01:03:44,541 I'm swinging! 1724 01:03:44,651 --> 01:03:46,309 I'm swinging! 1725 01:03:46,419 --> 01:03:47,243 Throw me back! 1726 01:03:47,353 --> 01:03:47,977 Ow! 1727 01:03:48,087 --> 01:03:48,912 I'm out of season! 1728 01:03:49,022 --> 01:03:51,881 Let go of my wheel. 1729 01:03:51,991 --> 01:03:53,082 [tires squeal] 1730 01:03:53,993 --> 01:03:55,585 [fishing pole reeling] 1731 01:03:55,695 --> 01:03:56,486 He's running! 1732 01:03:56,596 --> 01:03:57,887 He's running! 1733 01:03:57,997 --> 01:03:59,489 ERNEST: Owww! 1734 01:03:59,599 --> 01:04:03,059 [music playing] 1735 01:04:10,510 --> 01:04:11,768 Whoa! 1736 01:04:11,878 --> 01:04:13,369 [western music playing] 1737 01:04:13,479 --> 01:04:14,370 Ah, hey! 1738 01:04:14,480 --> 01:04:15,338 Hey, on the road! 1739 01:04:15,448 --> 01:04:16,339 Hey! 1740 01:04:16,449 --> 01:04:17,140 get 'em up! 1741 01:04:17,250 --> 01:04:18,741 Move 'em back! [whistles] 1742 01:04:18,851 --> 01:04:19,309 Ya! Ya! 1743 01:04:19,419 --> 01:04:20,310 Ya! 1744 01:04:20,420 --> 01:04:21,578 Yee-haw! 1745 01:04:21,688 --> 01:04:22,579 GLENCLIFF: Go! Go! 1746 01:04:22,689 --> 01:04:24,280 Go! Catch up to him. 1747 01:04:24,390 --> 01:04:27,650 [music playing] 1748 01:04:31,130 --> 01:04:32,689 That-- that's Ernest up there. 1749 01:04:32,799 --> 01:04:33,656 All right, stop him. 1750 01:04:33,766 --> 01:04:35,058 - We can't. - Ram him! 1751 01:04:35,168 --> 01:04:36,426 - We can't! - This is a-- 1752 01:04:36,536 --> 01:04:37,360 --Mighty Workboy-- 1753 01:04:37,470 --> 01:04:38,361 --company car. 1754 01:04:38,471 --> 01:04:41,764 [engine putting] 1755 01:04:41,874 --> 01:04:42,765 Ernest! 1756 01:04:42,875 --> 01:04:45,134 I'm back! 1757 01:04:45,245 --> 01:04:46,736 Is that-- that's Abner! 1758 01:04:46,846 --> 01:04:47,704 That's Abner! 1759 01:04:47,814 --> 01:04:48,671 Go around. 1760 01:04:48,781 --> 01:04:50,206 Go around! - Go around? 1761 01:04:50,316 --> 01:04:50,974 We can't! 1762 01:04:51,084 --> 01:04:52,208 Look, the-- this thing-- 1763 01:04:52,318 --> 01:04:53,643 - --whatever it is-- - --its taking up 1764 01:04:53,753 --> 01:04:54,644 BOTH: --the whole road. 1765 01:04:54,754 --> 01:04:56,646 [bawks like chicken] 1766 01:04:56,756 --> 01:04:58,047 ERNEST: Follow me! - Ernest! 1767 01:04:58,157 --> 01:04:59,249 Glencliff is right behind me! 1768 01:04:59,359 --> 01:05:00,416 What do I do? 1769 01:05:00,526 --> 01:05:01,618 Jump the ditch! 1770 01:05:01,728 --> 01:05:02,752 I can't do that! 1771 01:05:02,862 --> 01:05:04,320 Evil what's-his-name can do it! 1772 01:05:04,430 --> 01:05:07,090 Well, I'm not Evil-what's-his-name, am I? 1773 01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:10,693 You see that drain pipe? 1774 01:05:10,803 --> 01:05:12,228 Crawl out on it. 1775 01:05:12,338 --> 01:05:13,896 And I'll snatch you over there like a mail 1776 01:05:14,007 --> 01:05:14,998 bag on the Pony Express. 1777 01:05:15,108 --> 01:05:15,999 OK, OK, OK. 1778 01:05:16,109 --> 01:05:17,767 I can do it if I want to. 1779 01:05:17,877 --> 01:05:18,801 I'm just not sure if I want to. 1780 01:05:18,911 --> 01:05:20,036 That's all. 1781 01:05:20,146 --> 01:05:21,604 GLENCLIFF: Hurry! 1782 01:05:21,714 --> 01:05:22,538 I'll try! 1783 01:05:22,649 --> 01:05:26,142 [western music playing] 1784 01:05:38,564 --> 01:05:41,424 THUG: I'll get him. 1785 01:05:41,534 --> 01:05:42,825 GLENCLIFF: Grab him! 1786 01:05:42,935 --> 01:05:43,793 Grab him! 1787 01:05:43,903 --> 01:05:45,795 I want him alive! 1788 01:05:45,905 --> 01:05:49,365 [suspenseful music playing] 1789 01:05:54,247 --> 01:05:55,305 ERNEST: Dr. Melon! 1790 01:05:55,415 --> 01:05:56,105 Dr. Melon! 1791 01:05:56,215 --> 01:05:57,473 Hang out on the end! 1792 01:05:57,583 --> 01:05:58,975 Know what I mean? 1793 01:06:03,289 --> 01:06:04,747 OK, jump as I pass! 1794 01:06:04,857 --> 01:06:06,149 We've been through this! 1795 01:06:06,259 --> 01:06:09,352 But you can do it this time! 1796 01:06:12,832 --> 01:06:14,724 Come on. 1797 01:06:14,834 --> 01:06:15,725 Found him! 1798 01:06:15,835 --> 01:06:19,095 [music playing] 1799 01:06:19,205 --> 01:06:21,097 Abner, get down from there, darling! 1800 01:06:21,207 --> 01:06:22,665 It's very dangerous! 1801 01:06:22,775 --> 01:06:25,001 Ooh, this is going to hurt. 1802 01:06:25,111 --> 01:06:27,637 I'm sure glad this isn't me. 1803 01:06:27,747 --> 01:06:29,639 Come on, you can do it! 1804 01:06:29,749 --> 01:06:30,573 Rocket fire! 1805 01:06:30,683 --> 01:06:31,674 Rocket fire! 1806 01:06:31,784 --> 01:06:32,575 He's not going to-- 1807 01:06:32,685 --> 01:06:33,776 --make it. 1808 01:06:33,886 --> 01:06:35,311 [panting] 1809 01:06:35,421 --> 01:06:36,079 Oh! 1810 01:06:36,189 --> 01:06:37,246 [metal clangs] 1811 01:06:37,357 --> 01:06:38,014 Ugh. 1812 01:06:38,124 --> 01:06:39,415 Great form. 1813 01:06:39,525 --> 01:06:41,651 Your toes were curled, but I'll still give you-- 1814 01:06:41,761 --> 01:06:43,920 [music playing] 1815 01:06:44,030 --> 01:06:44,887 I did it! 1816 01:06:44,997 --> 01:06:46,356 I did it! 1817 01:06:46,466 --> 01:06:47,357 What a rush! 1818 01:06:47,467 --> 01:06:48,358 I did it! 1819 01:06:48,468 --> 01:06:49,759 [laughs] 1820 01:06:51,270 --> 01:06:53,696 Oh, for Pete's sake, they're shooting at us. 1821 01:06:53,806 --> 01:06:54,764 - Bullets? - Real-- 1822 01:06:54,874 --> 01:06:55,698 --bullets? 1823 01:06:55,808 --> 01:06:57,233 [gunfire] 1824 01:06:57,343 --> 01:06:59,001 Oh! 1825 01:06:59,112 --> 01:07:00,536 [tires squealing] 1826 01:07:00,646 --> 01:07:04,073 [screaming] 1827 01:07:04,984 --> 01:07:05,808 [gunfire] 1828 01:07:05,918 --> 01:07:07,443 You hear that? 1829 01:07:07,553 --> 01:07:08,911 It's obvious somebody else is joining 1830 01:07:09,021 --> 01:07:10,513 the pursuit of the crown. 1831 01:07:10,623 --> 01:07:12,782 Tap into Northstar and get me Marabone. 1832 01:07:12,892 --> 01:07:16,119 [gunfire] 1833 01:07:17,330 --> 01:07:20,423 Trigger-happy idiots. 1834 01:07:20,533 --> 01:07:21,858 Get in the car! 1835 01:07:21,968 --> 01:07:23,426 - Go! - OK! 1836 01:07:23,536 --> 01:07:24,427 [laughter] 1837 01:07:24,537 --> 01:07:25,528 We did it! 1838 01:07:25,638 --> 01:07:26,229 Wow! 1839 01:07:26,339 --> 01:07:28,464 For once we've made it! 1840 01:07:28,574 --> 01:07:29,198 Oh-ho! 1841 01:07:29,308 --> 01:07:31,834 [big ben chiming] 1842 01:07:33,212 --> 01:07:34,737 Bandish, you know you're not to contact 1843 01:07:34,847 --> 01:07:36,906 us unless absolutely necessary. 1844 01:07:37,016 --> 01:07:38,708 We've lost them, sir. 1845 01:07:38,818 --> 01:07:40,143 Hmph. 1846 01:07:40,253 --> 01:07:41,944 Well, we'll transmit satellite photos of your area 1847 01:07:42,054 --> 01:07:43,146 over Taikon 4,000. 1848 01:07:43,256 --> 01:07:44,313 Talk to the links. 1849 01:07:44,424 --> 01:07:46,249 I don't have to remind you what happens 1850 01:07:46,359 --> 01:07:47,950 if the hat is on the wrong cat. 1851 01:07:48,060 --> 01:07:49,152 No, sir, you don't. 1852 01:07:49,262 --> 01:07:51,187 Bandish, over and out. 1853 01:07:51,297 --> 01:07:55,491 England will have a new king. 1854 01:07:55,601 --> 01:07:58,428 [air hissing] 1855 01:07:59,372 --> 01:08:01,464 Well, don't just stand there. 1856 01:08:01,574 --> 01:08:02,432 Fix it! 1857 01:08:02,542 --> 01:08:03,599 - Look, lady-- - --this may come-- 1858 01:08:03,709 --> 01:08:05,134 - --as a big surprise-- - --to you. 1859 01:08:05,244 --> 01:08:06,602 But one cannot fix-- BOTH: --two flat tires! 1860 01:08:06,712 --> 01:08:07,904 Oh! 1861 01:08:08,014 --> 01:08:10,039 You two are as worthless as the useless junk you sell! 1862 01:08:10,149 --> 01:08:11,307 [gasps] 1863 01:08:11,417 --> 01:08:12,308 Do you realize that my husband has found 1864 01:08:12,418 --> 01:08:13,609 the Crown Jewels of England? 1865 01:08:13,719 --> 01:08:14,444 And he needs me! 1866 01:08:14,554 --> 01:08:16,345 But then, that's about loyalty! 1867 01:08:16,456 --> 01:08:18,448 And you wouldn't know anything about that! 1868 01:08:18,558 --> 01:08:19,215 Would you?! 1869 01:08:19,325 --> 01:08:20,149 We know a lot-- 1870 01:08:20,259 --> 01:08:21,684 --about loyalty! 1871 01:08:21,794 --> 01:08:24,187 BOTH: (SINGING) I'm the Mighty Workboy, and I will work-- 1872 01:08:24,297 --> 01:08:25,288 Hey! - What about-- 1873 01:08:25,398 --> 01:08:27,123 - --our percentage? - Our cut! 1874 01:08:27,233 --> 01:08:29,625 What about it?! 1875 01:08:29,735 --> 01:08:32,195 [truck engine rumbles] 1876 01:08:35,107 --> 01:08:35,998 Isn't this sweet of you? 1877 01:08:36,108 --> 01:08:37,200 DRIVER: Hop in, lady. 1878 01:08:41,214 --> 01:08:42,238 Who needs-- 1879 01:08:42,348 --> 01:08:44,040 - --12%-- - --when we can have-- 1880 01:08:44,150 --> 01:08:44,974 --100-- 1881 01:08:45,084 --> 01:08:47,143 --percent? 1882 01:08:47,253 --> 01:08:48,411 [laughter] 1883 01:08:48,521 --> 01:08:50,012 BOTH: (SINGING) I'm the Mighty Workboy. 1884 01:08:50,122 --> 01:08:51,714 And I will work for you. 1885 01:08:51,824 --> 01:08:54,884 I do rugs, upholstery, and wash your dishes too. 1886 01:08:54,994 --> 01:08:56,085 I'm the Mighty Workboy. 1887 01:08:56,195 --> 01:08:57,787 I work the whole day through. 1888 01:08:57,897 --> 01:09:00,456 Just plug me in and turn me on and see what I can do. 1889 01:09:00,566 --> 01:09:01,190 Hey! 1890 01:09:01,300 --> 01:09:02,158 You bet! 1891 01:09:02,268 --> 01:09:03,159 You bet! 1892 01:09:03,269 --> 01:09:04,727 [metal rattling] 1893 01:09:04,837 --> 01:09:06,095 BOTH: It really sucks! 1894 01:09:06,205 --> 01:09:08,164 Get my helicopter in the air immediately. 1895 01:09:08,274 --> 01:09:10,433 Let me know as soon as you spot it. 1896 01:09:10,543 --> 01:09:12,768 What-- well, it shouldn't be too hard to locate. 1897 01:09:12,879 --> 01:09:14,270 It's a giant cannon. 1898 01:09:14,380 --> 01:09:15,638 The size of New Jersey! 1899 01:09:15,748 --> 01:09:16,472 Now, get moving! 1900 01:09:16,582 --> 01:09:18,107 ABNER: I said, stay on the road. 1901 01:09:18,217 --> 01:09:19,141 This is off the road. 1902 01:09:19,252 --> 01:09:20,109 There's a difference, Ernest! 1903 01:09:20,219 --> 01:09:22,078 Pull the emergency brake! 1904 01:09:22,188 --> 01:09:24,280 [screaming] 1905 01:09:26,792 --> 01:09:30,253 [slow creaking] 1906 01:09:34,166 --> 01:09:36,259 [wind howling] 1907 01:09:37,770 --> 01:09:39,662 Wow. 1908 01:09:39,772 --> 01:09:41,597 Would you look at that? 1909 01:09:41,707 --> 01:09:42,565 [metal creaks] 1910 01:09:42,675 --> 01:09:43,266 Ah! 1911 01:09:43,376 --> 01:09:44,267 Uh, don't look. 1912 01:09:44,377 --> 01:09:46,402 You'll throw us off balance. 1913 01:09:46,512 --> 01:09:49,438 OK now, now, real easy, easy. 1914 01:09:49,549 --> 01:09:53,142 Now kinda scooch toward me. 1915 01:09:53,252 --> 01:09:54,577 I can't move. 1916 01:09:54,687 --> 01:09:55,578 I'm petrified. 1917 01:09:55,688 --> 01:09:56,979 Yes you can. 1918 01:09:57,089 --> 01:09:59,181 Just kinda scooch. 1919 01:09:59,292 --> 01:10:00,650 [screaming] ABNER: OK! 1920 01:10:00,760 --> 01:10:01,784 OK! OK! 1921 01:10:01,894 --> 01:10:03,519 OK! OK! 1922 01:10:03,629 --> 01:10:04,754 You looked. 1923 01:10:04,864 --> 01:10:05,922 I wasn't looking. 1924 01:10:06,032 --> 01:10:06,923 Ah! 1925 01:10:07,033 --> 01:10:07,857 Ah! 1926 01:10:07,967 --> 01:10:09,225 - You hopped. - Hop? 1927 01:10:09,335 --> 01:10:10,426 How can you say that was a hop? 1928 01:10:10,536 --> 01:10:11,861 How could I hop on a five-ton cannon 1929 01:10:11,971 --> 01:10:13,329 with my underwear in a wedgie? 1930 01:10:13,439 --> 01:10:16,799 I told you to scooch and you hopped. 1931 01:10:16,909 --> 01:10:17,934 This is a scooch. 1932 01:10:18,044 --> 01:10:18,868 This is a hop-- - Oh! 1933 01:10:18,978 --> 01:10:20,136 Oh! All right! 1934 01:10:20,246 --> 01:10:21,170 I'm scooching! I'm scooching! 1935 01:10:21,280 --> 01:10:22,672 You're scooching and looking. 1936 01:10:22,782 --> 01:10:23,873 I was not looking. 1937 01:10:23,983 --> 01:10:25,007 I'm scooching. 1938 01:10:25,117 --> 01:10:26,075 You were scooching and looking. 1939 01:10:26,185 --> 01:10:27,109 And that counts as a hop. 1940 01:10:27,219 --> 01:10:28,444 - Says who? - Says gravity. 1941 01:10:28,554 --> 01:10:29,178 Fact. 1942 01:10:29,288 --> 01:10:31,047 Ah! 1943 01:10:31,157 --> 01:10:32,582 OK, OK, you win! 1944 01:10:32,692 --> 01:10:33,516 OK! 1945 01:10:33,626 --> 01:10:34,250 Yeah. 1946 01:10:34,360 --> 01:10:36,986 [creaking] 1947 01:10:37,096 --> 01:10:38,120 OK, OK. - OK. 1948 01:10:38,231 --> 01:10:39,488 All right. 1949 01:10:39,599 --> 01:10:41,557 I think it's settling. 1950 01:10:41,667 --> 01:10:45,027 Now, I'm going to slowly turn, see if I 1951 01:10:45,137 --> 01:10:46,395 can safely dismount the cannon. 1952 01:10:46,505 --> 01:10:47,930 - OK. - OK? 1953 01:10:48,040 --> 01:10:48,931 All right. 1954 01:10:49,041 --> 01:10:49,999 All right. 1955 01:10:50,109 --> 01:10:50,900 OK. 1956 01:10:51,010 --> 01:10:52,501 [creaking] 1957 01:10:52,612 --> 01:10:53,869 OK. 1958 01:10:53,980 --> 01:10:57,373 [screaming] 1959 01:10:58,851 --> 01:11:02,645 [western music playing] 1960 01:11:03,222 --> 01:11:04,013 Ow! 1961 01:11:04,123 --> 01:11:06,382 I'm in the jungle! 1962 01:11:06,492 --> 01:11:08,050 Ernest, make this thing stop! 1963 01:11:08,160 --> 01:11:09,819 I'm trying to make it stop! 1964 01:11:09,929 --> 01:11:10,786 Ow! Jeez! 1965 01:11:10,896 --> 01:11:12,121 Ow! Ah! 1966 01:11:12,231 --> 01:11:13,155 - Dr. Melon. - What? 1967 01:11:13,266 --> 01:11:14,557 Look. Spit on your hands. 1968 01:11:14,667 --> 01:11:17,293 Rub them together, and use them like brake shoes. 1969 01:11:17,403 --> 01:11:19,395 You need a CAT scan, Ernest. 1970 01:11:19,505 --> 01:11:21,697 Dr. Melon, stick your legs in the spokes. 1971 01:11:21,807 --> 01:11:22,632 That'll stop us. 1972 01:11:22,742 --> 01:11:23,733 You stick your leg in the spokes! 1973 01:11:23,843 --> 01:11:25,201 You're the idea man! - I can't. 1974 01:11:25,311 --> 01:11:27,837 I've got anti-lock legs. 1975 01:11:27,947 --> 01:11:29,205 Ah! - Whoa! 1976 01:11:29,315 --> 01:11:30,673 What's happening? - Don't look! 1977 01:11:30,783 --> 01:11:31,374 Just duck! 1978 01:11:31,484 --> 01:11:34,377 [western music playing] 1979 01:11:37,256 --> 01:11:38,147 [grunting] 1980 01:11:38,257 --> 01:11:39,715 [chicken clucking] 1981 01:11:43,195 --> 01:11:46,689 [groaning nonsensically] 1982 01:11:48,634 --> 01:11:51,827 Look, Billings, a ghost cannon can't crash a roadblock now, 1983 01:11:51,937 --> 01:11:52,662 can it? 1984 01:11:52,772 --> 01:11:54,764 You take me for a bloody fool? 1985 01:11:54,874 --> 01:11:56,065 Me? 1986 01:11:56,175 --> 01:11:58,467 Now, listen, if your bird can read the serial numbers 1987 01:11:58,577 --> 01:12:00,403 of an Iraqi scud missile, it ought 1988 01:12:00,513 --> 01:12:03,639 to be able to find a cannon wreaking havoc in traffic! 1989 01:12:03,749 --> 01:12:08,144 Well, use another satellite! 1990 01:12:08,254 --> 01:12:09,345 ABNER: It's amazing, isn't it? 1991 01:12:09,455 --> 01:12:11,080 Well, I can't believe it. We did it. 1992 01:12:11,190 --> 01:12:12,014 We found Goliath. 1993 01:12:12,124 --> 01:12:12,982 [laughs] 1994 01:12:13,092 --> 01:12:14,316 We found the Crown Jewels. 1995 01:12:14,427 --> 01:12:16,052 Well, it's amazing. 1996 01:12:16,162 --> 01:12:17,553 What's so amazing? 1997 01:12:17,663 --> 01:12:18,888 We're adventurers, aren't we? 1998 01:12:18,998 --> 01:12:19,922 True. 1999 01:12:20,032 --> 01:12:21,524 I mean like, Bonnie and Clyde, Donald 2000 01:12:21,634 --> 01:12:24,293 and Ivana, Wilbur and Mr. Ed. 2001 01:12:24,403 --> 01:12:25,995 The stars have aligned. 2002 01:12:26,105 --> 01:12:27,430 The planet has tilted. 2003 01:12:27,540 --> 01:12:30,132 And the fat lady is on the last three bars. 2004 01:12:30,242 --> 01:12:31,100 Oh yeah. 2005 01:12:31,210 --> 01:12:33,035 Hey, this isn't half bad. 2006 01:12:33,145 --> 01:12:36,005 Just part of the knowledge of the open road. 2007 01:12:36,115 --> 01:12:41,310 You know, it may be sad to realize that Nan never 2008 01:12:41,420 --> 01:12:42,978 believed the jewels existed. - Yep. 2009 01:12:43,089 --> 01:12:44,680 I'll tell you, it's tough on a man's ego 2010 01:12:44,790 --> 01:12:47,216 when his life mate doesn't support his life's work. 2011 01:12:47,326 --> 01:12:49,251 Yeah. 2012 01:12:49,361 --> 01:12:50,820 [hot water hisses] 2013 01:12:50,930 --> 01:12:53,222 Mm, may come as a shock to you, but up until this point, 2014 01:12:53,332 --> 01:12:54,156 I was afraid. 2015 01:12:54,266 --> 01:12:55,091 Yes. 2016 01:12:55,201 --> 01:12:56,392 I was afraid. 2017 01:12:56,502 --> 01:12:58,461 You know, my-- my life just wasn't turning 2018 01:12:58,571 --> 01:13:00,563 out the way I expected it to. 2019 01:13:00,673 --> 01:13:04,266 But now, Ernest, thanks to your help, we found Goliath. 2020 01:13:04,376 --> 01:13:07,103 World's largest cannon, thank you. 2021 01:13:07,213 --> 01:13:09,905 And when I get those Crown Jewels in that barrel, 2022 01:13:10,015 --> 01:13:13,676 oh boy, the world's going to know that my theory was true. 2023 01:13:13,786 --> 01:13:15,277 I can't wait to see the look on their faces. 2024 01:13:15,388 --> 01:13:16,946 Oh, just can't wait. 2025 01:13:17,056 --> 01:13:17,780 Life is good. 2026 01:13:17,890 --> 01:13:20,716 And all because of you, Ernest. 2027 01:13:20,826 --> 01:13:23,386 Well, thanks, Dr. Melon. 2028 01:13:23,496 --> 01:13:27,390 Oh please, Abner. 2029 01:13:27,500 --> 01:13:29,325 Abner. 2030 01:13:29,435 --> 01:13:30,593 Abner, yeah. 2031 01:13:30,703 --> 01:13:32,361 Well, I-- I guess that means we're like, 2032 01:13:32,471 --> 01:13:33,429 real buddies now, huh? 2033 01:13:33,539 --> 01:13:35,598 Like-- like a real team. 2034 01:13:35,708 --> 01:13:38,868 Huh, I guess it does. 2035 01:13:38,978 --> 01:13:40,169 You got some corn on your shirt. 2036 01:13:40,279 --> 01:13:41,137 - Huh? - Gotcha. 2037 01:13:41,247 --> 01:13:42,138 [laughs] - Ernest! 2038 01:13:42,248 --> 01:13:43,038 I told you never to do that! 2039 01:13:43,149 --> 01:13:43,973 No! 2040 01:13:44,083 --> 01:13:44,907 No no! 2041 01:13:45,017 --> 01:13:46,909 I'm now Dr. Melon to you, mister! 2042 01:13:47,019 --> 01:13:47,943 [helicopter whirring] 2043 01:13:48,053 --> 01:13:48,944 Stop it. Shh. 2044 01:13:49,054 --> 01:13:49,879 Shh. 2045 01:13:49,989 --> 01:13:53,215 [sheep baaing] 2046 01:13:56,629 --> 01:13:57,453 Did you hear that? 2047 01:13:57,563 --> 01:13:58,354 (WHISPERS) NO. 2048 01:13:58,464 --> 01:14:01,490 Boy, I sure did. 2049 01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:02,691 I'll be right back. 2050 01:14:05,271 --> 01:14:06,095 Whoa-- 2051 01:14:09,208 --> 01:14:10,499 [tires squeal] 2052 01:14:10,609 --> 01:14:11,734 DRIVER: Hey! 2053 01:14:11,844 --> 01:14:13,169 NAN: Yeah, this was your truck, buddy! 2054 01:14:13,279 --> 01:14:14,370 What are you doing-- [grunts] 2055 01:14:14,480 --> 01:14:16,305 NAN: Get out of here! - Hey, come on! 2056 01:14:16,415 --> 01:14:17,306 Open that door. 2057 01:14:17,416 --> 01:14:18,240 Please! 2058 01:14:18,350 --> 01:14:19,308 NAN: I said get off! 2059 01:14:19,418 --> 01:14:20,509 Oh, jeez! 2060 01:14:23,189 --> 01:14:27,650 Ernest, you are American ingenuity at its finest. 2061 01:14:27,760 --> 01:14:30,719 Batman and Robin ride to glory with the stolen 2062 01:14:30,830 --> 01:14:32,655 jewels in tow. (IMITATES VILLAIN) 2063 01:14:32,765 --> 01:14:35,825 Diamonds are forever, Mr. Bond. 2064 01:14:35,935 --> 01:14:36,559 This will 2065 01:14:36,669 --> 01:14:38,394 [engine starts] 2066 01:14:38,504 --> 01:14:39,395 Yeah. 2067 01:14:39,505 --> 01:14:40,529 Yeah, it'll work. 2068 01:14:43,509 --> 01:14:46,969 [music playing] 2069 01:14:49,481 --> 01:14:50,973 [phone rings] 2070 01:14:51,083 --> 01:14:52,808 Got him? 2071 01:14:52,918 --> 01:14:55,044 Good. 2072 01:14:55,154 --> 01:14:55,945 Gentlemen? 2073 01:14:58,891 --> 01:15:03,686 ERNEST: Ah, fresh air, birds, the absence of small arms fire. 2074 01:15:03,796 --> 01:15:06,856 Yeah, your country life ain't like your city environments. 2075 01:15:06,966 --> 01:15:09,525 And the folk out here, they have their way of-- well, 2076 01:15:09,635 --> 01:15:12,094 lending a fellow citizen a helping hand. 2077 01:15:12,204 --> 01:15:15,831 Like that farmer John guy, lending us his tractor. 2078 01:15:15,941 --> 01:15:17,433 Then why is he following us? 2079 01:15:17,543 --> 01:15:19,034 Oh, exercise, I suppose. 2080 01:15:19,144 --> 01:15:22,338 That's why he's wearing those massive jogging boots. 2081 01:15:22,448 --> 01:15:23,839 Tractor nappers! 2082 01:15:23,949 --> 01:15:26,642 [beeping] 2083 01:15:27,519 --> 01:15:29,645 Taikon 4,000 found them. 2084 01:15:29,755 --> 01:15:30,913 Lock us in on the coordinates. 2085 01:15:31,023 --> 01:15:32,114 Let's go. 2086 01:15:32,224 --> 01:15:33,115 [engines start] 2087 01:15:36,595 --> 01:15:40,022 [rumbling] 2088 01:15:45,037 --> 01:15:46,729 ERNEST: Oh no. 2089 01:15:46,839 --> 01:15:48,764 Stopped by apple maggots again. 2090 01:15:48,874 --> 01:15:51,500 Well, we can turn this thing around, can't we? 2091 01:15:51,610 --> 01:15:52,468 [tires squeal] 2092 01:15:52,578 --> 01:15:55,838 [music playing] - Uh-oh. 2093 01:15:55,948 --> 01:15:58,374 It's that crazy doctor in the Batmobile. 2094 01:15:58,484 --> 01:15:59,275 Oh, oh! 2095 01:15:59,385 --> 01:16:02,845 [music playing] 2096 01:16:04,557 --> 01:16:05,915 Oh! oh, we're in it now. 2097 01:16:06,025 --> 01:16:06,849 We're trapped. 2098 01:16:09,728 --> 01:16:11,553 Boy, this is just great. 2099 01:16:11,664 --> 01:16:13,155 This is like that John Wayne movie, 2100 01:16:13,265 --> 01:16:15,057 when him and Butch Cassidy were surrounded 2101 01:16:15,167 --> 01:16:16,225 by all those army guys. 2102 01:16:16,335 --> 01:16:17,426 Ernest! 2103 01:16:17,536 --> 01:16:18,394 Yeah, see, you're Butch because you 2104 01:16:18,504 --> 01:16:19,962 do all the thinking. 2105 01:16:20,072 --> 01:16:21,764 And I'm Sundance because well, I'm slightly better looking. 2106 01:16:21,874 --> 01:16:24,366 Anyway, they're surrounded by the Mexican army in Bulgaria. 2107 01:16:24,476 --> 01:16:25,634 Bolivia. They were in Bolivia. 2108 01:16:25,744 --> 01:16:26,535 Yeah, yeah, that's it. 2109 01:16:26,645 --> 01:16:27,570 Bolivia. 2110 01:16:27,680 --> 01:16:28,971 They were killed in Bolivia. 2111 01:16:29,081 --> 01:16:30,639 Well, maybe they should've stayed in Bulgaria. 2112 01:16:30,749 --> 01:16:32,641 Anyway, Butch and the Kid didn't have Goliath. 2113 01:16:32,751 --> 01:16:35,311 And we do. 2114 01:16:35,421 --> 01:16:36,378 Oh no! 2115 01:16:36,488 --> 01:16:37,346 Oh-ho-ho! 2116 01:16:37,456 --> 01:16:38,714 Oh, Ernest, please. 2117 01:16:38,824 --> 01:16:40,282 You can't be serious. 2118 01:16:40,392 --> 01:16:43,085 Its' just like Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie at the Alamo. 2119 01:16:43,195 --> 01:16:44,954 Right before Santa Anna rushes in! 2120 01:16:45,064 --> 01:16:46,689 - Ernest, you can't. - Sure I can. 2121 01:16:46,799 --> 01:16:47,790 I'm always Davy Crockett. 2122 01:16:47,900 --> 01:16:49,858 Please, Ernest, please. 2123 01:16:49,969 --> 01:16:51,794 Well, surely we can reason with them. 2124 01:16:51,904 --> 01:16:53,095 They seem like reasonable people. 2125 01:16:53,205 --> 01:16:54,229 Look. 2126 01:16:54,340 --> 01:16:55,264 Look, look, they have a nice car and everything. 2127 01:16:55,374 --> 01:16:56,398 Faster! 2128 01:16:56,508 --> 01:16:59,068 Faster! 2129 01:16:59,178 --> 01:17:01,537 You can't reason with the Mexican army. 2130 01:17:01,647 --> 01:17:04,473 We don't even speak Bulgarian! 2131 01:17:04,583 --> 01:17:06,108 Ernest! Don't! 2132 01:17:06,218 --> 01:17:07,610 Please, look, consider the ramifications! 2133 01:17:07,720 --> 01:17:10,245 We don't have any ramifications! 2134 01:17:10,356 --> 01:17:11,580 All we have is this cannon! 2135 01:17:11,690 --> 01:17:12,715 The Jewels! 2136 01:17:12,825 --> 01:17:14,350 You'll destroy the Jewels! 2137 01:17:14,460 --> 01:17:16,318 Goliath must speak! 2138 01:17:16,428 --> 01:17:17,586 No, no! Ernest! 2139 01:17:17,696 --> 01:17:18,520 Ernest! Ernest! 2140 01:17:18,630 --> 01:17:19,622 Don't please! 2141 01:17:19,732 --> 01:17:20,522 Ernest, now, look! 2142 01:17:20,633 --> 01:17:21,724 Look! 2143 01:17:21,834 --> 01:17:22,725 Use your head for once in your life! 2144 01:17:22,835 --> 01:17:23,659 Look, put the fire down! 2145 01:17:23,769 --> 01:17:24,593 [lighter flicking] 2146 01:17:24,703 --> 01:17:25,527 There they are! 2147 01:17:25,638 --> 01:17:28,931 Now you can shoot them. 2148 01:17:29,041 --> 01:17:29,632 [gunfire] 2149 01:17:29,742 --> 01:17:30,632 Be a moving target. 2150 01:17:30,743 --> 01:17:31,667 Be a moving target. 2151 01:17:31,777 --> 01:17:34,637 Abner, it's us or the jewels. 2152 01:17:34,747 --> 01:17:38,240 [gunfire] 2153 01:17:38,350 --> 01:17:42,244 [music playing] 2154 01:17:43,422 --> 01:17:44,246 No! 2155 01:17:44,356 --> 01:17:45,180 Stop! 2156 01:17:48,027 --> 01:17:48,851 [boom] 2157 01:17:51,430 --> 01:17:52,254 Oh! 2158 01:17:56,769 --> 01:17:58,260 Stop the car. 2159 01:17:58,370 --> 01:17:59,261 No. 2160 01:17:59,371 --> 01:18:00,663 The brakes! The brakes! 2161 01:18:00,773 --> 01:18:01,864 [crash] 2162 01:18:13,352 --> 01:18:15,577 Some kick. 2163 01:18:15,687 --> 01:18:19,148 [groaning] 2164 01:18:21,627 --> 01:18:24,453 It fired. 2165 01:18:24,563 --> 01:18:25,454 It fired. 2166 01:18:29,301 --> 01:18:32,695 Phil Gunner Worrell, reporting the directive, sir. 2167 01:18:32,805 --> 01:18:34,229 The cannonball. 2168 01:18:34,339 --> 01:18:36,699 Yep, about a 500-pounder, if I'm any judge of artillery. 2169 01:18:36,809 --> 01:18:37,599 And I am. 2170 01:18:37,709 --> 01:18:39,702 There were no jewels. 2171 01:18:39,812 --> 01:18:41,537 No, but that big mama came smoking 2172 01:18:41,647 --> 01:18:43,205 out of there about 500 FPS. 2173 01:18:43,315 --> 01:18:46,642 There were no Crown Jewels, Ernest! 2174 01:18:46,752 --> 01:18:49,511 This is all your fault! 2175 01:18:49,621 --> 01:18:50,679 You've ruined my life! 2176 01:18:50,789 --> 01:18:52,414 But I thought you and me were-- 2177 01:18:52,524 --> 01:18:53,782 Oh, you and me, nothing! 2178 01:18:53,892 --> 01:18:58,887 I'm a figure of ridicule, a buffoon! 2179 01:18:58,997 --> 01:19:01,690 And none of it would have happened if I hadn't have 2180 01:19:01,800 --> 01:19:03,392 joined you in this-- 2181 01:19:03,502 --> 01:19:05,060 this idiot's adventure. 2182 01:19:05,170 --> 01:19:06,495 But I believed in you, Abner. 2183 01:19:06,605 --> 01:19:07,930 Oh, get out of my sight. 2184 01:19:08,040 --> 01:19:09,731 Never talk to me again. 2185 01:19:09,842 --> 01:19:11,500 I'm going home to scrape together 2186 01:19:11,610 --> 01:19:14,069 what's left of my life. 2187 01:19:14,179 --> 01:19:17,139 But we were Butch and Sundance. 2188 01:19:17,249 --> 01:19:20,008 Get in the real world, Ernest. 2189 01:19:20,119 --> 01:19:21,810 And keep out of mine. 2190 01:19:21,920 --> 01:19:25,514 I mean it. 2191 01:19:25,624 --> 01:19:27,282 Luke and Han Solo. 2192 01:19:30,829 --> 01:19:33,455 Ren and Stimpy. 2193 01:19:33,565 --> 01:19:36,291 Boy, this is just great. 2194 01:19:36,401 --> 01:19:39,328 Robin Hood finally finds Little John and what happens? 2195 01:19:39,438 --> 01:19:42,631 He runs him out of the Sherwood Forest. 2196 01:19:42,741 --> 01:19:46,568 Well, guess I just tried too hard. 2197 01:19:46,678 --> 01:19:47,903 I guess I-- 2198 01:19:48,013 --> 01:19:50,973 I'm just a lone wolf, doomed to travel alone 2199 01:19:51,083 --> 01:19:52,975 on the highway of adventure. 2200 01:19:53,085 --> 01:19:54,576 [metal clangs, echoes] 2201 01:19:55,621 --> 01:19:56,512 Ow. 2202 01:19:56,622 --> 01:19:59,114 [grunting] 2203 01:19:59,224 --> 01:20:00,883 Ow! 2204 01:20:00,993 --> 01:20:02,084 [metal clangs, echoes] 2205 01:20:02,194 --> 01:20:03,018 Ow! 2206 01:20:03,128 --> 01:20:04,086 Ow! 2207 01:20:04,196 --> 01:20:04,887 Ow! 2208 01:20:04,997 --> 01:20:06,155 Ow! God! 2209 01:20:06,265 --> 01:20:07,089 Ow! 2210 01:20:26,919 --> 01:20:28,410 [coughing] 2211 01:20:30,522 --> 01:20:32,181 I don't believe this. 2212 01:20:32,291 --> 01:20:32,915 What is this? 2213 01:20:33,025 --> 01:20:34,383 It weighs 600 pounds. 2214 01:20:34,493 --> 01:20:37,686 ERNEST: As Indiana approaches and reaches 2215 01:20:37,796 --> 01:20:44,226 for his sacred prize, all his senses are attuned to the power 2216 01:20:44,336 --> 01:20:46,395 that it brings. 2217 01:20:46,505 --> 01:20:51,333 As he unearths his treasure, the entire focus 2218 01:20:51,443 --> 01:20:56,071 of the civilized world is trained on this moment. 2219 01:20:59,985 --> 01:21:02,277 [imitates fanfare] 2220 01:21:10,929 --> 01:21:15,224 (WITH ACCENT) Stand back you groveling minions. 2221 01:21:15,334 --> 01:21:18,060 And prepare to meet your sovereign. 2222 01:21:20,973 --> 01:21:23,365 Abner! Abner! 2223 01:21:23,475 --> 01:21:24,733 Abner! 2224 01:21:24,843 --> 01:21:25,801 I haven't seen anything like this since the Bay of Pigs. 2225 01:21:25,911 --> 01:21:26,535 ERNEST: Hey, Abner! 2226 01:21:26,645 --> 01:21:27,502 I found 'em! 2227 01:21:27,613 --> 01:21:29,071 I found the Crown Jewels! 2228 01:21:29,181 --> 01:21:31,607 They were in the secret compartment! 2229 01:21:31,717 --> 01:21:32,674 They weren't in the barrel! 2230 01:21:32,784 --> 01:21:33,609 They were in the barrel. 2231 01:21:33,719 --> 01:21:35,510 The keg barrel! 2232 01:21:35,621 --> 01:21:36,478 Abner! 2233 01:21:36,588 --> 01:21:38,780 Hey, Abner! 2234 01:21:38,891 --> 01:21:41,316 Gentlemen. 2235 01:21:41,426 --> 01:21:42,718 Abner! 2236 01:21:42,828 --> 01:21:44,119 Come back! 2237 01:21:44,229 --> 01:21:47,723 Your entire life's work has achieved its purpose! 2238 01:21:47,833 --> 01:21:49,057 Look, Abner! 2239 01:21:49,167 --> 01:21:52,094 I'm wearing the Crown of England right on my-- 2240 01:21:54,439 --> 01:21:55,264 head. 2241 01:21:55,374 --> 01:21:56,198 [laughs] 2242 01:21:58,410 --> 01:22:01,470 Just uh, trying it on to see if it fits. 2243 01:22:01,580 --> 01:22:04,706 You know, king for a day and all that. 2244 01:22:04,816 --> 01:22:07,843 Nothing like a little royalty to boost a guy's ego. 2245 01:22:07,953 --> 01:22:08,777 Know what I mean? 2246 01:22:08,887 --> 01:22:10,012 [laughs] 2247 01:22:10,789 --> 01:22:12,214 Well, just a moment. 2248 01:22:12,324 --> 01:22:13,749 I'll-- I'll pop this thing right off and give it to you. 2249 01:22:13,859 --> 01:22:14,816 [laughs] 2250 01:22:14,927 --> 01:22:15,717 Yes, sir. 2251 01:22:15,827 --> 01:22:16,652 No problem. 2252 01:22:16,762 --> 01:22:17,853 [squeaking] 2253 01:22:17,963 --> 01:22:18,987 Oh. 2254 01:22:21,733 --> 01:22:24,293 Get it off of him. 2255 01:22:24,403 --> 01:22:26,762 [grunting] 2256 01:22:26,872 --> 01:22:27,696 Ow! 2257 01:22:27,806 --> 01:22:29,264 [metal clanks] 2258 01:22:31,143 --> 01:22:32,601 [squeaking] 2259 01:22:32,711 --> 01:22:35,604 [grunting] 2260 01:22:36,615 --> 01:22:37,339 Oh, God, no, no, no. 2261 01:22:37,449 --> 01:22:39,841 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 2262 01:22:39,951 --> 01:22:40,809 Oh, ow! 2263 01:22:40,919 --> 01:22:41,843 Ah! Ah! 2264 01:22:41,954 --> 01:22:43,378 - Me turn. - Ugh! 2265 01:22:43,488 --> 01:22:44,413 Ugh! Ugh! 2266 01:22:44,523 --> 01:22:45,948 Ow. THUG: Push! 2267 01:22:46,058 --> 01:22:46,915 Oh, push! 2268 01:22:47,025 --> 01:22:48,950 We've wasted enough time. 2269 01:22:49,061 --> 01:22:50,118 We'll take him to the clinic. 2270 01:22:50,228 --> 01:22:52,654 (SINGING) I'm the Mighty Workboy 2271 01:22:52,764 --> 01:22:53,989 and I will work for you. 2272 01:22:54,099 --> 01:22:55,791 That's the chaps who were with Melon's wife. 2273 01:22:55,901 --> 01:22:56,992 Assemble the unit. 2274 01:22:57,102 --> 01:22:58,393 BOTH: (SINGING) --wash your dishes too. 2275 01:23:14,553 --> 01:23:15,444 Abner. 2276 01:23:15,554 --> 01:23:16,712 Oh! 2277 01:23:16,822 --> 01:23:17,813 Turtledove! 2278 01:23:17,923 --> 01:23:18,980 Are you all right? 2279 01:23:19,091 --> 01:23:20,449 Oh, you look a mess. 2280 01:23:20,559 --> 01:23:21,183 [gasps] 2281 01:23:21,293 --> 01:23:22,317 There's a wittle bwuise. 2282 01:23:22,427 --> 01:23:25,320 Let nammy-nam make 'em all better. 2283 01:23:25,430 --> 01:23:26,455 There. 2284 01:23:26,565 --> 01:23:28,490 I saw that Ernest riding that cannon thing. 2285 01:23:28,600 --> 01:23:29,858 And you were chasing right after it. 2286 01:23:29,968 --> 01:23:31,626 And I thought to myself, my widdle baby's 2287 01:23:31,737 --> 01:23:33,061 going to get a boo-boo. 2288 01:23:33,171 --> 01:23:35,030 Was that the thing you were looking for, dear? 2289 01:23:35,140 --> 01:23:36,431 Yes, Nan, that's the thing. 2290 01:23:36,541 --> 01:23:38,066 Well, let's take those troublesome jewels, 2291 01:23:38,176 --> 01:23:39,401 put them in the back of the truck, 2292 01:23:39,511 --> 01:23:41,103 and I'll just make all the press arrangements. 2293 01:23:41,213 --> 01:23:42,838 You know, I will have to have a new outfit if I'm 2294 01:23:42,948 --> 01:23:43,839 going to be on "Donahue." 2295 01:23:43,949 --> 01:23:45,207 [laughs] 2296 01:23:45,317 --> 01:23:47,809 Tell me I'm pretty. 2297 01:23:47,919 --> 01:23:49,011 You're pretty. 2298 01:23:49,121 --> 01:23:50,445 Oh, this is so exciting. 2299 01:23:50,555 --> 01:23:52,881 My little Abner's found the Crown Jewels of England. 2300 01:23:52,991 --> 01:23:53,815 Gimme a kiss. 2301 01:23:53,925 --> 01:23:55,016 No we didn't. 2302 01:23:55,127 --> 01:23:56,218 What? 2303 01:23:56,328 --> 01:23:58,720 We didn't find any jewels, Nan. 2304 01:23:58,830 --> 01:24:00,122 You didn't find any jewels? 2305 01:24:00,232 --> 01:24:02,591 That's what I said. 2306 01:24:02,701 --> 01:24:03,558 [sighs] 2307 01:24:04,903 --> 01:24:08,096 You know, this has that Ernest written all over it. 2308 01:24:08,206 --> 01:24:09,398 It is a complete mystery to me how 2309 01:24:09,508 --> 01:24:11,066 you can even stand to be in the same room 2310 01:24:11,176 --> 01:24:12,367 with that inane redneck. 2311 01:24:12,477 --> 01:24:13,902 I just don't understand it, Abner. 2312 01:24:14,012 --> 01:24:15,137 He embarrassed you, not to mention 2313 01:24:15,247 --> 01:24:16,772 me, at Dr. Glencliff's clinic. 2314 01:24:16,882 --> 01:24:19,441 More to the point, he has now caused you to lose your job. 2315 01:24:19,551 --> 01:24:21,076 Now, what on God's green earth has 2316 01:24:21,186 --> 01:24:22,911 that Ernest ever done for you? 2317 01:24:23,021 --> 01:24:23,845 A lot! 2318 01:24:23,955 --> 01:24:24,946 Oh really? 2319 01:24:25,057 --> 01:24:26,348 Really. 2320 01:24:26,458 --> 01:24:30,886 As a matter of fact, he's changed my life. 2321 01:24:30,996 --> 01:24:31,887 Well, I'm sorry, darling. 2322 01:24:31,997 --> 01:24:34,089 I just don't see it. 2323 01:24:39,938 --> 01:24:40,829 Abner-- 2324 01:24:40,939 --> 01:24:42,831 [romantic music playing] 2325 01:24:42,941 --> 01:24:45,600 [moaning] 2326 01:24:45,710 --> 01:24:47,769 (IMITATES ELVIS) Clear enough for you now, baby? 2327 01:24:47,879 --> 01:24:50,739 Yeah. 2328 01:24:50,849 --> 01:24:52,741 A hubba hubba. 2329 01:24:52,851 --> 01:24:54,810 [music playing] 2330 01:24:54,920 --> 01:24:55,710 Ooh. 2331 01:25:00,459 --> 01:25:01,283 Ernest! 2332 01:25:10,769 --> 01:25:11,593 They got him. 2333 01:25:14,172 --> 01:25:15,464 Wait. 2334 01:25:15,574 --> 01:25:17,032 Listen, shouldn't you guys have those little paper 2335 01:25:17,142 --> 01:25:19,601 masks on so your bad breath won't give me any infections? 2336 01:25:19,711 --> 01:25:20,535 Ow! 2337 01:25:20,645 --> 01:25:21,770 I wouldn't worry about infection. 2338 01:25:21,880 --> 01:25:23,371 No, of course not. 2339 01:25:23,482 --> 01:25:25,907 I've got medical insurance with an 800-number and everything. 2340 01:25:26,017 --> 01:25:27,409 Cranial bone saw. 2341 01:25:27,519 --> 01:25:28,743 Have you been a good blood donor? 2342 01:25:28,854 --> 01:25:30,812 Oh, not as good as I should be, I suppose. 2343 01:25:30,922 --> 01:25:32,948 You're about to catch up. 2344 01:25:33,058 --> 01:25:33,915 [buzzing] 2345 01:25:34,025 --> 01:25:35,350 [grunts] 2346 01:25:35,460 --> 01:25:37,619 Oh, um, don't I get an anesthetic, like an aspirin 2347 01:25:37,729 --> 01:25:38,787 or a bullet to bite? 2348 01:25:38,897 --> 01:25:40,355 Hold his head still. 2349 01:25:40,465 --> 01:25:42,491 Modern anesthetic has been used successfully in operating 2350 01:25:42,601 --> 01:25:44,659 theaters since the early 1840s. 2351 01:25:44,769 --> 01:25:48,697 And who are we to scoff at the success of modern medicine? 2352 01:25:48,807 --> 01:25:51,333 How about a couple of games of golf to kind of, you know, 2353 01:25:51,443 --> 01:25:52,467 loosen this up a bit. 2354 01:25:52,577 --> 01:25:53,201 Ow. 2355 01:25:53,311 --> 01:25:54,669 [buzzing] 2356 01:25:54,779 --> 01:25:56,238 Oh-- ahh! 2357 01:26:03,488 --> 01:26:04,212 Whew. 2358 01:26:04,322 --> 01:26:05,680 I'm glad it was the hard end. 2359 01:26:05,790 --> 01:26:06,681 [laughs] 2360 01:26:06,791 --> 01:26:08,116 I don't believe this. 2361 01:26:08,226 --> 01:26:09,050 Whoa! 2362 01:26:09,160 --> 01:26:09,985 Ah! 2363 01:26:10,095 --> 01:26:11,052 Ow! 2364 01:26:11,163 --> 01:26:12,020 [grunting] 2365 01:26:12,130 --> 01:26:14,222 [beeping] 2366 01:26:16,134 --> 01:26:19,594 [swooshing] 2367 01:26:19,704 --> 01:26:20,395 Get back! 2368 01:26:20,505 --> 01:26:22,564 I'll call the cops! 2369 01:26:22,674 --> 01:26:23,965 Ah! 2370 01:26:24,075 --> 01:26:25,534 [grunting] 2371 01:26:25,644 --> 01:26:27,536 Leave me alone! 2372 01:26:27,646 --> 01:26:28,336 Stop it! 2373 01:26:28,446 --> 01:26:30,839 Oh no you guys don't! 2374 01:26:30,949 --> 01:26:33,174 Stop! 2375 01:26:33,285 --> 01:26:34,309 FRANK: Those jewels-- 2376 01:26:34,419 --> 01:26:35,210 JOE: --have got to be around here-- 2377 01:26:35,320 --> 01:26:36,578 FRANK: --somewhere. 2378 01:26:36,688 --> 01:26:38,847 Look! 2379 01:26:38,957 --> 01:26:41,550 BOTH: The stretch limo. 2380 01:26:41,660 --> 01:26:43,318 [laughter] 2381 01:26:44,229 --> 01:26:45,687 [beeping] 2382 01:26:45,797 --> 01:26:47,289 [groans] 2383 01:26:50,168 --> 01:26:51,259 [beeps] 2384 01:26:52,003 --> 01:26:52,827 Get up. 2385 01:26:52,938 --> 01:26:54,930 Get up. get up. 2386 01:26:55,040 --> 01:26:56,498 Worrell! 2387 01:26:56,608 --> 01:26:58,667 I'm going to gut you like a dead fish. 2388 01:26:58,777 --> 01:27:00,068 [grunts] 2389 01:27:00,178 --> 01:27:01,636 (AS ANNOUNCER) It's demolition derby night at the fairgrounds. 2390 01:27:01,746 --> 01:27:04,739 And reverse is the gear of choice. 2391 01:27:04,849 --> 01:27:05,740 [groaning] 2392 01:27:05,850 --> 01:27:08,710 Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, kids eat free. 2393 01:27:08,820 --> 01:27:12,314 [music playing] 2394 01:27:14,793 --> 01:27:17,686 [grunting] 2395 01:27:28,139 --> 01:27:29,631 [laughs] 2396 01:27:29,741 --> 01:27:30,999 Oh no! 2397 01:27:31,109 --> 01:27:34,603 [suspenseful music playing] 2398 01:27:40,685 --> 01:27:41,576 Time out. 2399 01:27:45,457 --> 01:27:48,917 King's X. Safeties. 2400 01:27:49,027 --> 01:27:51,920 Uh-- ah-- ah-- 2401 01:27:56,401 --> 01:27:59,894 [whirring] 2402 01:28:06,044 --> 01:28:06,835 Ah! 2403 01:28:11,950 --> 01:28:14,209 [screams] 2404 01:28:14,319 --> 01:28:16,878 Boy, this baby really sucks dirt. 2405 01:28:16,988 --> 01:28:17,812 And scum. 2406 01:28:17,922 --> 01:28:20,849 I'll kill you! 2407 01:28:20,959 --> 01:28:21,783 Hold him back-- 2408 01:28:21,893 --> 01:28:24,185 --further. 2409 01:28:24,295 --> 01:28:25,387 [vacuum stops] 2410 01:28:30,468 --> 01:28:32,127 Well, I-- I think that that concludes our uh-- 2411 01:28:32,237 --> 01:28:33,261 --dem-- dem-demonstration. 2412 01:28:33,371 --> 01:28:34,763 Of the-- 2413 01:28:34,873 --> 01:28:38,199 BOTH: --M-M-Mighty Workboy h--h--home cleaning system. 2414 01:28:38,309 --> 01:28:41,102 Um-- (SINGING) I am Mighty Workboy. 2415 01:28:41,212 --> 01:28:42,237 Oh! 2416 01:28:42,347 --> 01:28:43,204 DISPLAY: (SINGING) I do upholstery 2417 01:28:43,315 --> 01:28:44,372 and wash your dishes too. 2418 01:28:44,482 --> 01:28:47,942 BOTH: I will work-- for-- you. 2419 01:28:48,053 --> 01:28:48,943 [crunches] 2420 01:28:49,054 --> 01:28:52,514 [music playing] 2421 01:29:01,966 --> 01:29:04,225 [creaks] 2422 01:29:04,335 --> 01:29:06,294 ERNEST: Ow! 2423 01:29:06,404 --> 01:29:07,896 [groaning] 2424 01:29:13,378 --> 01:29:14,269 Ouch. 2425 01:29:14,379 --> 01:29:15,236 Ow. 2426 01:29:15,347 --> 01:29:16,237 Ow. 2427 01:29:16,347 --> 01:29:17,238 Ow. 2428 01:29:17,348 --> 01:29:18,840 Ow. 2429 01:29:18,950 --> 01:29:19,708 Ow. 2430 01:29:19,818 --> 01:29:21,276 Oh, sorry. Sorry about-- 2431 01:29:21,386 --> 01:29:22,077 - Oh! - Oh! 2432 01:29:22,187 --> 01:29:23,178 Sorry! Sorry. 2433 01:29:23,288 --> 01:29:23,878 Excuse me! Sorry, pardon me. 2434 01:29:23,988 --> 01:29:24,879 Pardon me. 2435 01:29:24,989 --> 01:29:27,849 Oh. 2436 01:29:27,959 --> 01:29:28,850 Where is he? 2437 01:29:28,960 --> 01:29:32,454 [music playing] 2438 01:29:39,938 --> 01:29:40,829 [gulps] 2439 01:29:42,040 --> 01:29:42,831 Ow. 2440 01:29:42,941 --> 01:29:44,332 Ow. 2441 01:29:44,442 --> 01:29:45,233 Ow. 2442 01:29:45,343 --> 01:29:46,434 [laughs] 2443 01:29:49,948 --> 01:29:50,839 [grunts] 2444 01:29:52,951 --> 01:29:54,042 [sniffs] 2445 01:29:54,152 --> 01:29:54,943 Ew. 2446 01:29:55,053 --> 01:29:56,644 Need a good doctor? 2447 01:30:01,693 --> 01:30:02,784 Come on, we can get this crown off. 2448 01:30:02,894 --> 01:30:04,786 I know we can. Let's be creative. 2449 01:30:04,896 --> 01:30:05,887 Hold still. 2450 01:30:05,997 --> 01:30:09,324 We haven't even tried Mrs. Butterworth's. 2451 01:30:09,434 --> 01:30:11,259 GLENCLIFF: Hold still. 2452 01:30:11,369 --> 01:30:12,293 There we go. 2453 01:30:12,404 --> 01:30:13,194 Ah. 2454 01:30:18,176 --> 01:30:19,033 [laughs] 2455 01:30:19,144 --> 01:30:20,802 Or olive oil. 2456 01:30:20,912 --> 01:30:21,803 [grunts] 2457 01:30:24,682 --> 01:30:26,908 Or automatic transmission fluid. 2458 01:30:27,018 --> 01:30:27,876 [grunts] 2459 01:30:29,354 --> 01:30:31,212 [laughs] 2460 01:30:31,322 --> 01:30:32,147 Or lip gloss. 2461 01:30:32,257 --> 01:30:35,083 Lip gloss, you-- 2462 01:30:35,193 --> 01:30:36,050 [grunts] 2463 01:30:38,496 --> 01:30:40,922 Ha! 2464 01:30:41,032 --> 01:30:41,890 ERNEST: Moving target. 2465 01:30:42,000 --> 01:30:42,724 Moving target. 2466 01:30:42,834 --> 01:30:44,859 You can't hit a moving target. 2467 01:30:44,969 --> 01:30:46,361 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 2468 01:30:46,471 --> 01:30:47,562 Hurry. Hurry. 2469 01:30:47,672 --> 01:30:48,563 Step right up. 2470 01:30:48,673 --> 01:30:50,064 Three shots for $1. 2471 01:30:50,175 --> 01:30:51,866 [inaudible] for the little girl. 2472 01:30:51,976 --> 01:30:54,169 You couldn't hit the broad side of a barn. 2473 01:31:00,251 --> 01:31:01,376 Hey you. 2474 01:31:01,486 --> 01:31:03,244 Stop. 2475 01:31:03,354 --> 01:31:05,180 You got some ID? 2476 01:31:05,290 --> 01:31:06,414 I'm Dr. Abner Melon. 2477 01:31:06,524 --> 01:31:10,318 I'm here to see Dr. Radner Glencliff. 2478 01:31:10,428 --> 01:31:15,824 He-- he uh-- he wants to buy this off me for $100,000. 2479 01:31:15,934 --> 01:31:16,558 Can you imagine? 2480 01:31:16,668 --> 01:31:18,827 Go figure. 2481 01:31:18,937 --> 01:31:21,329 Hey, I didn't say you could pass. 2482 01:31:21,439 --> 01:31:24,699 Oh, uh, when dealing with items of such rare antiquity, 2483 01:31:24,809 --> 01:31:25,867 it's best to go right on through. 2484 01:31:25,977 --> 01:31:27,335 I don't know nothing about that. 2485 01:31:27,445 --> 01:31:28,636 Now blow. 2486 01:31:28,746 --> 01:31:31,105 But surely you know the danger of taking-- 2487 01:31:31,216 --> 01:31:32,207 I'm done talking with you. 2488 01:31:32,317 --> 01:31:34,776 Now, beat it, pipsqueak. 2489 01:31:40,992 --> 01:31:42,584 Excuse me, sir, I couldn't help 2490 01:31:42,694 --> 01:31:44,819 but admire that marvelous uniform you're wearing. 2491 01:31:44,929 --> 01:31:47,889 And I was wondering, is that a Wilson whistle? 2492 01:31:47,999 --> 01:31:48,857 [grunts] 2493 01:31:52,337 --> 01:31:54,796 [laughs] 2494 01:31:59,043 --> 01:32:00,535 Ran out of bullets, didn't you, doc? 2495 01:32:02,914 --> 01:32:06,207 GLENCLIFF: I'll tear your head off with my bare hands! 2496 01:32:06,317 --> 01:32:09,744 [grunting] 2497 01:32:11,256 --> 01:32:12,513 [inhaling] 2498 01:32:12,624 --> 01:32:13,715 [gulps] 2499 01:32:20,164 --> 01:32:23,625 [choking] 2500 01:32:24,602 --> 01:32:25,593 Ow! 2501 01:32:28,506 --> 01:32:30,398 Ow! 2502 01:32:30,508 --> 01:32:32,100 Old football injury, huh? 2503 01:32:32,210 --> 01:32:33,601 [laughs] 2504 01:32:35,580 --> 01:32:37,171 Oh no, I'm Bigfoot. 2505 01:32:37,282 --> 01:32:40,775 [music playing] 2506 01:32:45,790 --> 01:32:46,781 Wait a minute! 2507 01:32:46,891 --> 01:32:47,782 [laughs] 2508 01:32:49,894 --> 01:32:51,152 [grunts] 2509 01:32:51,262 --> 01:32:54,222 GLENCLIFF: You wrecked my limo, ruined my cranial bone saw. 2510 01:32:54,332 --> 01:32:56,224 ERNEST: You're tearing your rug. 2511 01:32:56,334 --> 01:32:59,160 GLENCLIFF: And worst of all, demolished my mummy. 2512 01:32:59,270 --> 01:33:02,931 Aren't you forgetting the Hippocratic Oath? 2513 01:33:03,041 --> 01:33:05,733 Weren't those axes outlawed in Geneva? 2514 01:33:05,843 --> 01:33:07,235 Hold on, Ernest. 2515 01:33:07,345 --> 01:33:08,169 I'm coming. 2516 01:33:11,482 --> 01:33:12,974 You dear, sweet man. 2517 01:33:13,084 --> 01:33:13,975 What happened? 2518 01:33:14,085 --> 01:33:15,643 - He caught me off guard. - Oh dear. 2519 01:33:15,753 --> 01:33:17,612 Tell me, which way to Dr. Glencliff's office? 2520 01:33:17,722 --> 01:33:19,314 It's in the rear of the building. 2521 01:33:19,424 --> 01:33:20,281 But you're not allowed-- 2522 01:33:20,391 --> 01:33:21,582 Oh, but I think I am. 2523 01:33:21,693 --> 01:33:23,151 There we go. 2524 01:33:23,261 --> 01:33:26,688 [music playing] 2525 01:33:28,599 --> 01:33:29,624 Oh! 2526 01:33:29,734 --> 01:33:30,825 I should have got the crown off 2527 01:33:30,935 --> 01:33:32,126 like this in the first place. 2528 01:33:32,236 --> 01:33:33,227 Wait a minute. 2529 01:33:33,338 --> 01:33:35,229 Has that thing been sterilized? 2530 01:33:35,340 --> 01:33:36,197 [grunts] 2531 01:33:36,307 --> 01:33:38,099 [screams] 2532 01:33:38,209 --> 01:33:38,800 No! 2533 01:33:38,910 --> 01:33:40,468 The dog ate my homework! 2534 01:33:40,578 --> 01:33:41,502 My foot's asleep! 2535 01:33:41,612 --> 01:33:43,671 I've got to go to the bathroom! 2536 01:33:43,781 --> 01:33:46,074 I haven't had a vaccination! 2537 01:33:46,184 --> 01:33:47,141 Don't kill me! 2538 01:33:47,251 --> 01:33:48,042 Don't kill me! 2539 01:33:48,152 --> 01:33:49,444 Don't kill me! 2540 01:33:49,554 --> 01:33:50,979 [groaning] 2541 01:33:54,492 --> 01:33:55,283 [thud] 2542 01:33:55,393 --> 01:33:57,251 Yes! 2543 01:33:57,362 --> 01:33:58,820 [screams] 2544 01:34:01,265 --> 01:34:02,190 Ernest, are you OK? 2545 01:34:02,300 --> 01:34:03,124 Are you all right? 2546 01:34:03,234 --> 01:34:04,125 [groans] 2547 01:34:07,238 --> 01:34:08,997 Oh, whoa. 2548 01:34:09,107 --> 01:34:11,132 Well, that Dr. Glencliff is sure lucky 2549 01:34:11,242 --> 01:34:13,101 I didn't use the Worrell death grip. 2550 01:34:13,211 --> 01:34:13,835 Uh-huh. 2551 01:34:13,945 --> 01:34:15,436 Look at the crown. 2552 01:34:15,546 --> 01:34:16,371 And the jewels! 2553 01:34:16,481 --> 01:34:17,538 Just look at it! 2554 01:34:17,648 --> 01:34:18,840 Unbelievable! 2555 01:34:18,950 --> 01:34:19,941 My theory is true! 2556 01:34:20,051 --> 01:34:20,675 We did it! 2557 01:34:20,785 --> 01:34:22,276 We did it! [laughs] 2558 01:34:22,387 --> 01:34:23,211 Feels good, doesn't it? 2559 01:34:23,321 --> 01:34:24,412 Uh-huh. 2560 01:34:24,522 --> 01:34:26,814 NAN: Ernest, you take that crown off this instant 2561 01:34:26,924 --> 01:34:28,149 and you give it to my Abner. 2562 01:34:28,259 --> 01:34:29,550 You know, you are always trying to take credit 2563 01:34:29,660 --> 01:34:30,585 for something you didn't do. 2564 01:34:30,695 --> 01:34:32,120 (AS ELVIS) Nan, cool it, baby. 2565 01:34:32,230 --> 01:34:34,622 Although those sapphires really do bring out your eyes. 2566 01:34:34,732 --> 01:34:35,623 [laughs] 2567 01:34:35,733 --> 01:34:37,091 Hey, hunk of burnin' love. 2568 01:34:37,201 --> 01:34:39,227 Ernest and I are going to rewrite history, Nan. 2569 01:34:39,337 --> 01:34:41,462 BANDISH: I don't think so. 2570 01:34:41,572 --> 01:34:44,565 Her Majesty's Secret Service is here to return the Jewels 2571 01:34:44,675 --> 01:34:46,634 to their rightful home. 2572 01:34:46,744 --> 01:34:48,803 The crown, please. 2573 01:34:48,913 --> 01:34:50,705 Well, it won't budge. 2574 01:34:50,815 --> 01:34:52,106 Believe me, we've all tried. 2575 01:34:52,216 --> 01:34:54,008 It won't come off. 2576 01:34:54,118 --> 01:34:57,412 Well then, by the laws of Great Britain, he who 2577 01:34:57,522 --> 01:34:59,647 wears the crown shall be kind. 2578 01:34:59,757 --> 01:35:02,116 Oh no, no, I don't take well to responsibility. 2579 01:35:02,226 --> 01:35:04,419 And besides, I'd-- I'd have to learn the language. 2580 01:35:04,529 --> 01:35:05,653 Know what I mean? 2581 01:35:05,763 --> 01:35:08,156 I'm going to miss you, buddy. 2582 01:35:08,266 --> 01:35:09,957 Hey, what's that's on your shirt? 2583 01:35:10,068 --> 01:35:10,958 [laughs] 2584 01:35:11,069 --> 01:35:12,126 - I hate it when you do that! - Hey! 2585 01:35:12,236 --> 01:35:13,294 Let go of my head! - Noogie. 2586 01:35:13,404 --> 01:35:14,295 No noogies! Time out! 2587 01:35:14,405 --> 01:35:15,296 No time out! 2588 01:35:15,406 --> 01:35:16,364 ABNER: King's X then! 2589 01:35:16,474 --> 01:35:17,298 ERNEST: No! 2590 01:35:17,408 --> 01:35:18,533 No King's X! 2591 01:35:18,643 --> 01:35:19,434 Time out, King's X counts as a scooch! 2592 01:35:19,544 --> 01:35:20,601 ABNER: What? 2593 01:35:20,712 --> 01:35:21,803 I wasn't scooching! I was hopping! 2594 01:35:21,913 --> 01:35:22,870 ERNEST: You were scooching and looking 2595 01:35:22,980 --> 01:35:24,338 and that counts as a hop! 2596 01:35:24,449 --> 01:35:25,540 ABNER: Give me a second! 2597 01:35:25,650 --> 01:35:26,674 You said that counted as a schooch! 2598 01:35:26,784 --> 01:35:30,211 [music playing] 2599 01:35:34,625 --> 01:35:35,950 [whistle blows] 2600 01:35:36,060 --> 01:35:38,986 OK, Vern, I'm going to explain this one more time. 2601 01:35:39,097 --> 01:35:41,456 It's my new movie, "Ernest Goes to School." 2602 01:35:41,566 --> 01:35:42,857 And it's a whole lot of fun. 2603 01:35:42,967 --> 01:35:44,759 And here's my locker and-- and the football team, 2604 01:35:44,869 --> 01:35:46,260 and cafeteria food. 2605 01:35:46,370 --> 01:35:48,563 And Vern, they actually let me handle some real books. 2606 01:35:48,673 --> 01:35:50,298 Vern, have you got any more chalk? 2607 01:35:50,408 --> 01:35:50,998 That's OK. 2608 01:35:51,109 --> 01:35:52,333 I'll just use this pen. 2609 01:35:52,443 --> 01:35:53,634 See, what we're-- 2610 01:35:53,744 --> 01:35:54,669 Oh. 2611 01:35:54,779 --> 01:35:56,904 Oh, doesn't that sound awful? 2612 01:35:57,014 --> 01:35:59,273 It kind of reminds you of this. 2613 01:35:59,383 --> 01:36:02,810 [nails on a chalkboard] 2614 01:36:13,531 --> 01:36:14,355 Know what I mean? 2615 01:36:20,004 --> 01:36:22,897 [music playing]